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saturday match results

....i haven't been the best Arsenal supporter this season - media impaired for the first half, personal drama midway through, coupled with some of the worst performances we've had even in the few short years I've been following. However, as per usual with us now, the pressure is on, we have dropped out of all other competitions, so apparently now the race is on to make it to 4th, to get into Champs League play again next season.
There's much to say about how sad that is, that it'd be nice to not have this Groundhog Day feeling every March (I'm dreading already the usual whining and forecasting that will only lead to one or more of our tenured players ((it's clear my personal favorite, Bac will be leaving in the summer)) abandoning us, and a herd of young, untried ((and, yeah, most likely French)) players to come in, and then we do the whole thing over again. Bah) but mostly, I'd just like to take a hot second and wish Theo a happy birthday, and enjoy the fact that we beat Swansea today, which I'm pretty sure many gooners weren't sure was going to happen. Nine more games for my bipolar footy boys, here's hoping we can make this run-in spectacular!

Inter...mission

Haven't been writing here much because I've been focusing on more doing - and gettting a good ass-kicking while Suse was in town definitely helped. We logged a lot of miles in two days, Pike Place Market & the Athenian for snacks and catching up, dinner at 'zino, visit to the Space Needle and riding the Monorail. Stops at art galleries, checked out the ECCC (comic con) a bit, had sushi at my favorite, Hana, strolled the Hill (a bit) visiting the Unicorn, Von Trapp (the Driver's new gig), Ba Bar (Fair's old place, where Brock treated us well), and then hiked to the ID, where I introduced her to the wonders of Uyajimaya, and then a Sounders evening in my 'hood, ducking in to the Merchant and the Collins. Too short but good times and plenty of plans for next time - most importantly a visit to the new restaurant on Occidental that hopefully Tiff's brother and I will get to in the coming week.
Oh, Tiff's brother. Such a delight. His last night as expo was yesterday and it was hard to see him go. As much as we are all stoked that he found a real (awesome) job, we will miss his wit and charm on that side of the pass. Yeah.
Tuesday in the next edition of the wine tasting, and I'm gonna head over early to help NBJ cook and make kumbocha (he says he's got a scobie ready for me; totally stoked) and then we are doing pinot gris (which will be good, as i rarely drink whites in general) with an all-star line-up: Me, Fair, Christina, Tiff's brother, Felix and NBJ. Gonna be a spirited (hah! see what i did there?) conversation, definitely.
Mostly though, what has been happening is that I'm not coming home drunk and spewing anger and frustration onto this blog. I am travelling lighter, being more present, taking better care of myself and am headed back in the direction I should be. Trying to change old habits is hard, but definitely worth it.

admission

I, after years of not even giving a rat's ass about the band he was in, much less his "LATER" solo career, have to admit to an affection for JT. Dude is funny, and on SNL, which a) isn't easy these days and b) wasn't easy to begin with....and he can and does sing and dance. In a really MJ way; the way that appeals to my mom and me, and probably, weirdly: to my oldest nephew. He's hot, funny, smart, ironic, sacrastic, laughs at himself and, ideally along with those who are his peers.Dammit. How did this happen? #JTispunkrock?

also...this.

you just never know what the Life is going to bring you - keeping my head up is hard work sometimes, but always, always, always worth it.

I meant it then, and i mean it now, listen.

Travelin' lighter...

seriously, this is for that guy, who came home to me.

Incoming

My buddy Suse is headed to town this weekend. It's also Emerald City Comic Con - ironically when I arranged to have my first weekend in 6 months off I had no idea it would be the same week I might actually get to go to a con. However, since I'm not sure Suse is into the geek think like I am, I suspect we'll be doing more food & hikey things...definitely Pike Place Market, Pioneer Square, and I think probably a trip out to West Seattle for Lincoln Park (she's an avid swimmer so I think she'd dig seeing the saltwater pool, as well as just the general awesome of West Seattle and Alkai)...but am still trying to figure out what to do in the 48 hours she's here. Certainly a visit to the 'zino as well, though brief (originally, i thought i wasn't going to get the Friday off, and so initially i was gonna try and pull a Bain and see if she'd want to trail/hangout/eat during my shift, but now it looks like we can just do a bit of a downtown stroll) as I don't want it to devolve into the usual Friday evening hijinks.
And, I think I will forego the usual drive to the airport and use the fancy LightRail that I voted for a decade a go, just for the hell of it - and even though it will add 45 minutes to the overall trip, it should be entertaining for Suse and I, since she is a BART veteran and I as always can't wait to see what the Masters Of Metro have created and called "light rail" oh, the trains that only go one place. Europeans have every right to laugh at us and our shitty ability to transport ourselves efficiently. However, the station is literally steps from my door, so it would be crazy not to take it. At least this once. I'll drive on Sunday, when parking is free at work and stuff.
Looking forward to seeing her though, and hoping the weather will be at least somewhat mellow. Might also meet up with the Driver for a drink on the Hill Saturday evening, which would be fun too. Anyway, exciting to have actual days off that others have as well - had to cancel today's dinner date with Tiff's brother because his new job finally kicked in, and now he will be trapped on the Eastside in that IT gig, so it's doubtful our schedules will collide again, except for the weekends he might still pick up at the restaurant.

Now more than ever.

I'm not kidding. This is electric, and real. This is what people are.
Also, she plays an SG: pure gold.

Flight

So, one of my favorite things about my apartment is the view; and though it isn't the spectacular Sound View that the other side of the building has, it is of a unique downtown skyscape that includes the Smith Tower, the Seattle Public Library,The Columbia Tower, the County Courthouse and Prefontaine Place, among others. It also allows for amazing seagull watching. I have, of late, become somewhat mesmerized by watching them fly, and more often, glide on the updrafts and wind currents that these buildings so close to the ocean provide.
It is Jonathan Livingston Seagull come to life - these birds genuinely appear to be enjoying flight, circling far above the ground, chasing each other, soaring low, then swooping up on an updraft without flapping a wing, merely tilting the edges up or down. Up on the 12th floor, it's high enough that i can watch them sweep over the park for tasty food dropped by harried court employees at lunch in City Hall Park (or the assortment on homeless locals), and I can watch them zip up to the upper rooftops of the bigger buildings, but what I find most entertaining is the leisurely soaring in long, lazy circles in the fading afternoon sunlight. Seagull TV, my new favorite show.
It also brings to mind the stories you'd read (not as often anymore it seems) of inner-city (NYC, mostly) residents who keep pigeons, homing pigeons, and the delight they felt from watching the birds fly through the city, experiencing a freedom within the concrete canyons that we can, as bipeds, only dream about. And, of course, more than ever, appreciate the beauty within the book Jonathan Livingston Seagull - to observe these birds in flight (not being the mangy french-fry beggars they can be at the waterfront) is to see animals doing what they are meant to do - and seemingly, like sea otters who seem to swim carefree and passionately, enjoying what they do. It is comforting to see nature reveal itself in that way, in such an urban setting, in my not-so-humble opinion.

New faces, old standards.

It was a bit of an ordeal (the punkrocksoccermom car's battery was dead upon arriving at the garage to pick it up - thankfully one on the nicer garage dudes helped me jump it), but I arrived almost on time to Newbusguy's house for the second edition of wine tastings that he is arranging throughout the year. He had mentioned not being much of a drinker, but as he is interested in becoming a better server, he felt like knowing more about wines would help. I suggested he do what I was lucky enough to do when I was first getting my toes wet in the culinary world - sit down with some friends and a couple bottles of the same style of wine (or in my case it was cheeses) and taste them, comparing what each person tastes, notices, and experiences. He jumped on the idea, and so the second installment was last night.
The first edition was a bit more of a rollicking affair as there were as many bottles of malbec as people (6); but it was still educational, and brought a variety of people to the table - NBG keeps it to just 6 people at a time, which is manageable but still good variety. This week only myself and one other guest (she works at our sister restaurant, and is about to move to the wilds of Corvalis to finish her degree) were repeat attendees, and i was drawn because we were set to taste cab francs, one of my favorite style of wines. Also at the table were two people who worked in social media (interestingly, both were journalism majors like myself, but didn't refer to journalism as a vocation until pressed) and an ecologist/botanist who would be leaving for Patagonia in a couple weeks to study the density of hardwood trees there. She had written a grant proposal and gotten it funded - fascinating stuff. I mention this at all, because lately, i get caught up in trivial nonsense and often forget that We all have a huge universe of interesting people moving through our lives. Not all will be our pals, but its good to meet people, and so good, as I learned while living with K2; that eating and drinking together is healthy, important, and most of all, far more enjoyable than sport drinking. Everyone also brought some sort of food - which mean there were dolmas, gazpacho, fresh fruit, great cheese, crackers, a cassarole, olives, and yes, chocolate. A lovely night, and looking forward to seeing who comes to the table next time around.

Yep.

It still hurts. And i still miss him. And i know it's my own fault. Sometimes, I forget for a minute; but then in a flash, this white-hot scorching realization of how low I sank, how hurtful and vengeful I can be, sears my heart. Walking to the bus stop, retracing so many steps...losing a friend in a way I've never ever experienced before. There is no debate on the point. I made a bad choice. I took the low road, and I an so full of regret. So amazingly sorry, and fully aware there is no way to ever regain that friendship.

In the moment

Not looking forward to this day at all. Battling to keep thoughts from last year at bay. Spent last two days with some of my favorite guys, which is great, they take good care of me.
Last year the dessert of the day was a gooey, over-the-top cupcake, which was entirely appropriate for my state of mind.
This year, dessert is again reflective of my personal situation, and thus, the plate is this:
A strawberry-champagne terrine, with three truffles: dk chocolate-earl-grey, dk chocolate-coffee-cinnamon-walnut, and white chocolate-pistachio-cardamom. With a red wine reduction and fresh citrus garnish. Sweet, but not overly so, varied flavors and scents, and hopefully a pretty plate to have at the end of what is hopefully going to be a rich, filling affair.
Have at it, cherubs.

Better living through chemicals.

Yep, back on the meds, cause it's the right thing, obviously i spin out of control without them. Meanwhile this will be a horrible valentines day, after last year's hot rush of...whatever that was with smrge, but now, post-Stray, and in a weird vortex with SG, i dunno what will happen next (not that any of us do) but it looks to be a full week: wine tasting with Newbusguy and Fair, and then gonna hang with Tff's brother in Weds, so....yeah. Got a champs and strawberry terrine to rock with choc truffles on V-Day, pics to follow.

Ghost in the machine

Found out today while searching on a bit of a whim, that my most favorite teacher of all (and I, being the good student I was had several teachers that I was fond of, or who were fond of me) died just a week ago. Had I tried the very same search earlier (as I have randomly over the years, to no avail) - say perhaps in the summer, perhaps I could have actually talked to him one last time - ironically he was living in Snohomish, the same little town i visit every couple of weeks to visit my mom and brother's family...but it isn't to be. I want to write about Mr. Gray, about the warmth and compassion he radiated and the wonderful inspiration he was for me - but i am still posting from my phone, my replacement laptop is out of commission and awaiting service. Hopefully though, in the next couple of days, a long-overdue Ed Gray appreciation post.

Ginger beer and marshmallows

Also, i forgot to mention that i got to try actual tamarind fruit as well...not bad for a tuesday.

Tuesdays in the kitchen...

Spent yesterday evening at Newbusguy's house (tho he's not that new anymore, so perhaps just NJ will work for now) brewing gingerbeer for the restaurant (and us too). He has done other brewing, mostly kombucha, which is how we started talking about this project. I started drinking commercial kumbocha in sf, and have been looking to try some stuff on tap, or at least direct from the brewer. NJ and i have a similar affinity for experiments, and the more we'd talk at work about food (he was also making his own wines over the holidays) it was inevitable we'd team up.
What started as just an evening brewing the ginger beer though ended up being a literal smorgasboard: jasmine rice with a korean soybean paste similar to LBF's devil sauce, tastes of various vinegars he had made (rosemary & a kumbocha based one which i really like), four different honeys (apparently he kept bees as a teenager and likes to collect honeys, and one in particular, the soursop, was fantastic in its deep complexity), aoli from scratch which we snacked on with bits of focaccia, pickle and ham, plenty of the first batch of ginger beer we'd made, and finally, a batch of ginger-lemon marshmallows on the fly.
Really fun way to spend a rainy evening. Next up, after we test the ginger beer this weekend, another batch of that to either fine tune or make for the bar, and then we are gonna do a taco night (making the tortillas from scratch, of course) and wine tasting. He wants to learn more about wines in particular (he's not really much of a drinker. Which is why he gets so much done, i suspect :) so that will be fun. We had a great time exploring a couple of cocktails from the new list at work, and have an easy way of communicating in the same terms about food, which is a treat.
Also, brainstormed a new dessert...a lemon meringue s'more.
I will be working that this weekend.

Moreover....

"If one is not wholly convinced of one's own lovability, receiving affection can appear like being bestowed an honour for a feat one feels no connection with."
- Alain De Botton

this.

 (via explodingdog.com)

Daryl Hall is no Abe Lincoln...

is it wrong to want to be on the daily show just to get a hug from jon stewart?

so, we found a kid to back me up in pantry, and potentially make us less dependent on the Mexican Mafia for our pasta and cheese production. the balance of power is shifting a little. also, she's a go-getter, so she should be keeping me on my toes as well. yay.

was great to have ricky, his wife, jeff, and frigging jesse drop in on friday night - i was in the foulest mood too...just really spent, still blue about the usual stuff, plus getting hit hard during happy hour, and then i hear "hey m!" and ricky was leaning into my station! i've never been SO stoked to be in an open kitchen. i sent he and kate a salad and cheesecake (they are both on a cleanse for the month) and chatted, and that's when they told me jesse was in town and that he and jeff would be by soon. they showed up at about 10, and it was so wonderful to hear jess laughing - i've known that guy for as long as i've known my brothers (really) and i always forget how much i miss him until we are back together. his laugh, like his mother's, and my mother's is so comforting - he just is part of my family, part of who i was, am, and certainly will always be. i smile so much around him, my face hurts sometimes. he and jeff hung out a while and then a couple of his other pals filtered in and out, and finally they closed the bar with fair, dewey and i. it was fantastic, and dewey and jesse together? Hi-larious. Such a wonderful surprise, and really welcome lift to my spirits, which have been flagging as i roll around wrestling demons and learning to accept the mistakes i've made recently. fair has been helpful as hell, almost angelic (in that castiel sort of way) in his willingness and keeping me from just spinning in circles....at least to a certain degree. yeah. it's great.

 

*this post originally appeared in mid-january, but due to an editing snafu, was reposted as current....damn u internets!