whatever happens now, happens. it seems good, the way things seem to be finally making sense, as if all the pain and drama and confusion are finally distilling into something concrete. but, ultimately, what it comes down to, as it often does, is my self esteem. the confidence to keep on in the face of my entire life just blowing apart is not just character building, but solid proof that I can do whatever i set my mind to do. the key is deciding what to do.
right now, SMRHE is off rocking. wish i was too, but then, also, having a new life is promising. might have a new, scary challenging job. that would allow me to save up. to go to school, to go to europe, to...go. and that's what i want to do - GO.
p.s. bill murray still rules the school.
oh, and my fresno scene report was well recieved by j, which bodes well for the future, i think. i've been here before, it's not so bad.