Oh, yeah. So it's been a good week for a lot of stuff, but this monring's news that Strom Thurmond, america's foremost racist, misogynist, all around culture-Nazi has finally shuffled off this mortal coil gives me, not joy, but a sense that at least another nail in the coffin of the past is gone. Frigging that man sat and did damage in Congress for far too long. They all sit for far too long, it seems, unless they're good, and then they die in plane crashes.
And how pissed off is Dubya that the Supreme Court upheld the right of two consenting adults to have sex together behind closed doors, for crying out loud? Heee! Seriously, it's not too terribly (though Justice Scalia disagrees and feels that the Court was catering to the Homosexual Agenda, whatever paranoid fantasy that is) daring to say: yeah, you know what, civil rights do extend into the bedroom, especially in light of some retard state keeping laws on the books that legislate that sort of stuff. Crap. Anyone with any interest in personal privacy (and that should be EVERYONE) should be making a lot of noise pro-this decision. Seriously. You folk who say "I've got nothing to hide, so what do I care?' Yeah, you've got nothing to hide NOW, but jsut wait: if Ashcroft has his way, we'll ALL have something to hide. Take that to the (grossly overcharging) bank.

Argh! Something has been lost in the translation. But I suppose it's doing the job, so okay.
I put up some of the posters - and this morning I noticed someone had written "Amen!" on the one that said "Where are the weapons of mass destruction?" It makes me really want to put the rest up now. that will be my project this weekend, since it's free. I'm (we're) so poor for the next month or so, it's bad. If we didn't have a car payment, it would sure be nice. If we didn't see three doctors each, that'd help too. If i didn't owe two courts, 6 cards and various other people money (my mom, karen and ken) that'd be nice too. what the hell will happen to us when (if) we get old? I guess I just bank on that karen will adopt me, or something. fuck that. how bout something trivial, and diverting? the Five:
1. How are you planning to spend the summer [winter]?
The usual: working, trying to get smaller, therapy. Woohoo!
Growing tomatos, reading a lot. It's free, y'know?

2. What was your first summer job?
Babysitting all day for Jesse & Eric. I had to be there from 6am, until 4pm or so. I had to feed 'em, and keep them from killing each other. It payed well. I liked their mom, Paula, a lot. Watched a lot of MTV (it's first year on the air) and Love Boat.
The fact that Jesse was only 3 years younger than me (and a pal of my brother's) was, and is a source of great amusement to all who know us. Jesse, later to become a star bartender locally, would hail my entrance to his bar with a loud declaration that "All my babysitters drink for free tonight!!"
(cure laughter)
Now though, due to a bad call on my part, we don't talk. I should call him and apologize I guess. But he said some stupid shit. But then, who doesn't? people make mistakes.

3. If you could go anywhere this summer [winter], where would you go?
EUROPE.
Italy, France, Sloivenia, Spain, Portugal.

4. What was your worst vacation ever?
Wow, haven't really had a "worst" vacation, as I don't really take them. But the cancelled trip to Ashland that me and SMRHE and I spent at home with me altering Nature's course sucked in whole new ways.


5. What was your best vacation ever?
Mike and I had a good time in Jamaica (after the bad drug deal). I enjoyed Europe, though it wasn't a vacation. SMRHE and I haven't been on a vacation yet. Scott and I driving across the US was kinda cool, though I was toast most of the time.
Yeah. Most of my vacation-y things.,....ohMYgawd. Hopey and I at Long Beach: that was the best vacation (only real one) EVER! Yeah.

Seriously, my ultimate guilty pleasure is indulging in late 80's-early 90's U2. It triggers the most pleasant feelings in me. WEirdly so in most instances, as that was such a chaotic time for me personally, but of course, that's got to be it: I was so busy living that the music is the keynote (keynote? what the hell am I saying?) keystone of that time. It was the most calming influence in my gung-ho debauchery days of Yore. Or something.
Or something. That should be the name of the book right there. And the whole thing might have to be written to the greatest hits (volume one of course, because by volume two i was long past using U2 to satisfy anything. and well - with the exception of say 3 songs on Achtung, what the hell else was worthwhile? that lemon/mcfly/crazy-beyond-Bowie shit was out of control, and when Edge abandoned his guitar, it all went to crap. Even the pentultimate drummer LMJ can't save that synthy pop. yeah. proof? check out the record sales, and which ones can you find used? hrm? see?)
Right. So, finsihed (just about) FAst Food Nation, and just like Diet for a Small Planet, and several other books about the food insustry, not to mention just common knowlege-based observations (Jeezus, people eat that Mc Donalds shit on purpose?) that I've gained over a quarter century of life lived paying way too much attention to detail. It's a good, somewhat saddening (if you care about the decline of American civilization, as I do) book. Plus, it brings to light one thing that's pissed me off for years, but really, really eats (heh, eats) at me right now as I try and make myself smaller in a realistic manner so that I might maintain forever instead of back and forth and back and forth: but here it is - I don't eat shit. I don't eat fast food on any even semi-sorta regular basis. Once every 6 months, maybe I'll get some fries when SMRHE determines he must have a cheeseburger and we're on the road and my desire to keep a forward trajectory trumps real shopping/eating. But seriously. I cook every night. Almost always good, solid stuff, from scratch. It drives me nuts to be fat and it's not Big Gulps doing it to me. It's not my diet. I used to think it was quantity too, but even that doesn't seem to make a difference. I really truly believe my metablolism if fucked from all the speed and coke. I have never been able to just drop weight by not eating. It doesn't work. Even not eating + excercise, still limits my loss (like now - I've been on the same plateau for 6 weeks, it's killing me.)

So, if you were a really pricey psychologist, and your patient started talking about serious money issues, would you cut them loose? Send them to a free (or sliding-scale) clinic? I mean, I'm sure she's good as long as I have my stuff covered by insurance, but i feel weird going in there today and basically admitting that the thing that's really, seriously bumming me out hard is the lack of money, and the lack of help i'm getting from SMRHE (whose not so rocking in this light) on the issue of money. it's all me, and even though he offers to help, how can he when everything is in my name? crap. plus, he misses so much work, it takes a huge toll on our financial well-being.
Agh. Sucky. And it's gonna rack me all day. But what other option would I have? Even if I was still writing payments, I couldn't pay them all anyway. It's just...shit is gonna blow for a while. It seems liek things have sucked forever now.
Bad choices. Like buying that book at the "cheapest" but then bouncing the check, so it ended up costing $30 instead of $7. Which is beyond lame. I didn't NEED it, and well...i've got serious money issues. Obviously.
Need to find a shoebox full of money.