So, when the owners let the chef go, and didn't tell me, didn't offer me the position, a pay increase, nothing, I was chagrined, to say the least. When I pushed the point of a pay increase and they avoided me, waffled and did a little dog and pony show, i realized i simply had no desire to work for them anymore. I love that restaurant, and I am crushed I won't see it succeed, but I had no choice in the self-respect area; I had to leave. I will miss the variety, the creativity and autonomy I enjoyed - but i won't miss the sketchiness of payday, the constant battle for coherent leadership, the pests riddling the restaurant. I won't miss the water leaking on the floor, or the broken tools. I will miss my pantry protoge, U, who I have become (as per usual) quite fond of, and I will miss having a place where friends, family, and favorite guests can visit me. I will lose a whole swath of people in this transition - but I can't keep limping along, demoralized in front of them all.
I flirted with another pastry position; applied, demoed some food, and was rebuffed. I know it wasn't my finest work (there are a few reasons why, but ultimately, it's the WHY wasn't it my finest work, when i needed it to absolutely be that, right then that will hound me. Sadly, I could barely afford to make what I did make, I have so poorly planned this little unpaid break) and so there is no surprise when I didn't hear back from him yesterday as planned. It's ok though, I have accepted a baking job, working with Scrap's old chauffeur, making buns, breads, doughs, desserts, and pretzels, loads and loads of pretzels.
So if you need me, I'll be on the Hill, doing that. In the daytime - which should knock my whole body into another state - no more vampire hours, no more drinking heavily at the end of every night, no more binge eating at 2 in the morning. who knows, maybe i can even rope myself back into daily meditation practice. However it turns out, as of 7am on Sunday morning, a new chapter begins....again.
