Father's Day is easier now in most ways - as I was laughing with my Mom today - it's been a relief not to worry about getting the card or a "good" gift for my dad - and it hasn't been an issue for 16 years now. Amazing that it's been 16 years, or that my dad would have been 74 this year. He, like Elvis, was probably wise in just making sure he didn't hit 60. I can't even imagine what 70+ Dad would have been like. Hell, I can barely remember what he was like, which is the hardest part of Father's Day. Every year, people waxing nostalgic about their pops, and me, I have like 6 whole memories, a handful of photos...and that's about it. I didn't know much about him, except he loved basketball and cars. He was funny, worked well with people, drank like a fish, and had charisma to burn. He also was dark and twisty with a previous life and horribly tragic childhood. He was lucky to have wandered into the computer trade in the early 1960's and was a creative force in a nascent technology field, though not a programmer, really. He liked meat and potatoes and drank Coors. I had a pretty tense teenage relationship with him as I wandered the liberal boundaries, not knowing that he was actually the democrat in our family. My mother doesn't seem to know much about him either - or is she does, she chooses not to let any of it out. She assures me that he loved us, though neither she nor I can remember a lot of demonstrable events of that love. For me, lunch with him while visiting his work, riding horses, and ultimately, shooting baskets in the front yard are the closest he and I ever got. He never met my husband, and only knew me to be what I've always been: a drifter, good at a lot of things, but not great at anything. He never met my brother's wives either, much less any of their kids. It's so strange, he left us with the one legacy he brought to family life: the early loss of a parent.
What prompted me today wasn't just the weekend "holiday" but a meme on NPR's music site about listing your dad's favorite song when he was your age. I have NO idea what that would be. If there even was a song he liked. He seemed to be completely removed from music...I mean there were tapes in his cars, but nothing he seemed connected to. However, when I was a kid...a little, little kid, he loved some wacky shit that hinted to who he either was, or ultimately, as I think all our music choices tell us, who he wanted to be.
My dad, apparently wanted to be Jerry Reed. And Tom Jones. This isn't shocking. His resemblance in the 70's to Burt Reynolds was something he obviously exploited (I guess who wouldn't?) and his soundtrack was all about that: Smokey and the Bandit redeux. However, the first record I even really tangibly remember seeing in our house was the LP of the "What's New Pussycat?" soundtrack. That is what I hear when I think of my father, though it was supplanted later by Kenny Rogers and other ridiculous shite, but ultimately, that cocktail loving suave dude who drove a Lotus and wooed my mom lurked forever within him. It is so hard not to be able to talk to him and ask questions about who he is, what he believed, liked, dreamed. Kids, don't be so pissed at your parents, don't wait to figure out that they are who they are because of where they've been and THAT is the valuable wisdom you need from them. Meet your parents, while you can.
