Found it.

You know, sometimes I do ridiculous things when I have spare time on my hands - today, because I have been just bingeing the shit out of De La Soul and when I see video of them, Plug2 always reminds me of Jon Loggins - the whole band does, of course. They just immediately send me back to DC in 1989/90 and being at Common Concerns with Jon doing the security and just generally doing his cool fishboney thing. So I tried a couple searches, but as per usual, like so many of our generation, we are vanished unless we reached legendary status. Anyway, FB brought me to once again read the chats we had been having those last couple years and I found the quote that I keep telling people about that really made me feel genuinely sorry for you, and also crystalized the understanding that there was no way you'd ever come back to where I knew you had once been. Do you remember writing this: If I'm responsible for my own happiness, then I'd rather die. Because what's weird - it's exactly what you did, I guess? I mean, I'm still not super clear about the crazy bitch you had managed to wrangle in that final round, but damnit. It really is the most accurate thing you've never meant to say. You said the inside part out loud, and it is exactly the battle that is the hardest. What even is the point of this?