just a footnote: my job is so frigging incredible, and i am so amazingly happy that i recognize it right now, for a change, rather than in retrospect. this is what i'm supposed to do. always. it's so incredibly calming to know that. this is what i am good at. people enjoy what i do. that's so huge. in this world, where so very, very much sucks, to be able to give someone, even for just a few moments, a simple, human FEEL - I'm just so pleased to be able to share with people again, to be in the dining room, watching people love what i do, and not know that it was me who did it (desserts, obviously, if they are facing the right direction they will see me make their salad, pizza, antipasti or oysters)...it's just fantastic. A lot of times it's special occasions, and people are making memories...i dunno, it is so hard to be comfortable liking myself sometimes...but dammit, this time, doing the cheesecake, knowing it was a runner, but having it play out (apparently a guy came in 3 days in a row for it, though when he was in on Thursday, we didn't know he would be an addict!) live is soooooo, awesome. Argh. So good. I feel so content, and that is not a word I have ever used to describe myself, but right now, it all seems to FIT.
*sigh*
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Monday, June 18, 2012
I made waffles for my brother and his family for fathers day. I texted my ex to wish him a non-aggressive happy father's day (i thought) i went to work. work was, as always, awesome. apparently it was a weekend where the cheesecake was on fire, so everyone was all aflutter, yeah, sadly the walk in fan broke so it was ugly for those of us in the kitchen, but ego wise, cool. i dunno. i have no feels rigth now. just work.
Friday, June 15, 2012
and Thursdays are....
Weird - work Sunday through Tuesdays, off Weds, and then back for Thursday, and then off for Friday Saturday, which is, to be fair; a pretty awesome schedule. What would be even better, is if my days back from being gone didn't follow HWSBF's days in pantry, because, he sucks. He's lazy, and apparently a little dim. Also, shades of Fernando in just the overall disaster the station is left in. When I follow Anita, on Sundays, everything is like I leave it, stocked, ready to go, a coherent list of prep. After Him, it's horrendous. But, I have high expectations of those I work with, so GMB had to really, really push me to get me to make a list of the bullshit.
Because, I'm not the first to notice it. Anita made a point of telling me she has the same issues with him.
Whatever. The flip side is that my food is pure awesome, and when I have my station ready, there is nothing I cannot do. Though I was running the pizza oven at 600 degrees tonight, so I toasted a couple of them while doing desserts. Kind of got a little out of control tonight though, trying to tie up all the loose ends. And some late tables made me a bit cranky towards the end, so I didn't hang out tonight & chat with BarMat - I was just a bit too whipped, to be honest. He didn't offer a 2nd beer, and I didn't ask. Home to sleep, cause I have a boatload of stuff to do tomorrow.
Timing is still being worked out at work though. What I really appreciate, is that GMB makes a point to say "Good work" before he leaves at night, at least to me, pretty much every shift - that little shit matters. Appreciation matters. I knocked out a shitload of prep, both baking and savory today - and all my plates tonight (including some special stuff for the food tour group) looked stellar, and tasted fantastic, cheesecake is selling like crazy - 3 to go orders!. I asked if I could come in early on Sundays to do more dessert prep, and Garrett said he'd work on getting me a key. And then, and the end of service he sidles up to me and says "So; I have foie scraps: pate, or sauce?" And I, being the one who plates antipasti, and likes to have cool toys says:"Pate" then I hedge "But, I do have a that book about foie, and it has a recipe for foie oreos that I've always wanted to try" and he gets nose-to-nose with me and says "Ahhh, s'mores! Your graham crackers, a foie fluff....and..." I suggest a fruit jam & chocolate shavings...and he's like "YES. You are in again, when? Tuesday? Let's do that then, I'll put the foie in the freezer tonight."
Yeah, that's the ticket. That's what I want to do: cool stuff. This shit is going to be awesome, and once I live downtown...well, it will be perfect, so tired of driving home already. I am so stoked right now, feeling really motivated, creative and just present. So completely different from being in SF. Similar to being in good restos in Fresno, but without that CG-based angst, so...yeah, really amazing emotions flowing in this realm. Can't wait to get my gear out of storage and really hit the gas pedal on all of this. So many options. He has not said no to any ideas I've proffered so far (other than the bittersweet chocolate espresso cake, but i suspect i can bump his weak torte eventually, I'll make one, feed it to everyone, and that will be that).
Also, he asked me to dog/house-sit at the end of the month for he and his wife. Awesome! 2 dogs, house in Greenwood, 3 days. Sweet! Looking forward to it. I dig house sitting. A yard with a bbq, a deck, and two dogs?? Yay!
Because, I'm not the first to notice it. Anita made a point of telling me she has the same issues with him.
Whatever. The flip side is that my food is pure awesome, and when I have my station ready, there is nothing I cannot do. Though I was running the pizza oven at 600 degrees tonight, so I toasted a couple of them while doing desserts. Kind of got a little out of control tonight though, trying to tie up all the loose ends. And some late tables made me a bit cranky towards the end, so I didn't hang out tonight & chat with BarMat - I was just a bit too whipped, to be honest. He didn't offer a 2nd beer, and I didn't ask. Home to sleep, cause I have a boatload of stuff to do tomorrow.
Timing is still being worked out at work though. What I really appreciate, is that GMB makes a point to say "Good work" before he leaves at night, at least to me, pretty much every shift - that little shit matters. Appreciation matters. I knocked out a shitload of prep, both baking and savory today - and all my plates tonight (including some special stuff for the food tour group) looked stellar, and tasted fantastic, cheesecake is selling like crazy - 3 to go orders!. I asked if I could come in early on Sundays to do more dessert prep, and Garrett said he'd work on getting me a key. And then, and the end of service he sidles up to me and says "So; I have foie scraps: pate, or sauce?" And I, being the one who plates antipasti, and likes to have cool toys says:"Pate" then I hedge "But, I do have a that book about foie, and it has a recipe for foie oreos that I've always wanted to try" and he gets nose-to-nose with me and says "Ahhh, s'mores! Your graham crackers, a foie fluff....and..." I suggest a fruit jam & chocolate shavings...and he's like "YES. You are in again, when? Tuesday? Let's do that then, I'll put the foie in the freezer tonight."
Yeah, that's the ticket. That's what I want to do: cool stuff. This shit is going to be awesome, and once I live downtown...well, it will be perfect, so tired of driving home already. I am so stoked right now, feeling really motivated, creative and just present. So completely different from being in SF. Similar to being in good restos in Fresno, but without that CG-based angst, so...yeah, really amazing emotions flowing in this realm. Can't wait to get my gear out of storage and really hit the gas pedal on all of this. So many options. He has not said no to any ideas I've proffered so far (other than the bittersweet chocolate espresso cake, but i suspect i can bump his weak torte eventually, I'll make one, feed it to everyone, and that will be that).
Also, he asked me to dog/house-sit at the end of the month for he and his wife. Awesome! 2 dogs, house in Greenwood, 3 days. Sweet! Looking forward to it. I dig house sitting. A yard with a bbq, a deck, and two dogs?? Yay!
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
just another wedensday.
A bit of apartment hunting, visit to the storage space to retrieve some more clothes, a kitchen timer and some other miscellaneous stuff, dinner at Hana, finally. It was, as Todd said "the same as ever" casual, quality, and affordable. Did a little stroll down Broadway, noting all the changes....still processing it all - had a side trip through Lake City, and was kind of astounded to find a Mini dealership there, among all the other new stuff, and also, the old venerable Italian place is gone, though Ming's is still alive and...well, still alive. Even just driving around, there is something so comforting about all the green, the trees, the residential neighborhoods with no sidewalks...yeah, I'm weird. Anyway, there seem to be a lot of options, living wise, so now it's just a matter of piling up first, last and deposit.
interactions with humans...
Tonight, after watching GMB almost cough up a lung on the line (I gave him my entire stash of Ricola cough drops, cause i know how hideous that bug is...) and finishing a pretty sedate night (got a lot of shit done, actually, which was cool. Best part:MB trying my coffee ice cream and going "Holy shit, that's amazing! Is that my recipe?" and, i of course had to tell him it was mine. RIGHT? Yeah. Also had pizzas dialed in like crazy tonight, which was awesome as well. I was finishing my shift beer when BarMatt (The Other Matt) engaged me in conversation, and plied me with beers...so I hung out. THIS is why it's good to work in a live restaurant. People to talk to. We had a spirited debate about the future of humankind, global policy, apartheid (!) and my political activism vs. his perceived activism. Interesting, and, ultimately we agreed on many things. Interesting cat, and, he pegged me at 40. Weird. I guess it's just that youthful exuberance? Yeah, something like that. Good dude though. I really love where I work. And they seem to dig me, so, you know, awesome. It's also interesting GMB and I have a really similar upbringing - same kid's shows, same cereals, same weird offhanded remarks, plus a really good conversation about food, every time. It's a shame he can't keep his hands off his phone on the line. CG would fucking DESTROY him. But, whatever. It's good fun, and tonight, my pizzas all ruled. So good. Did a roasted potato, blue cheese, other cheese, smoked proscuito, and shallot pie, and it sold like crazy and I even made GMB one and he loved it! Validation again! (I'm so simple, but it's like any craft, I guess) also, I did a hibiscus/grapefruit sorbet, but didn't run it tonight...maybe Thursday...yeah.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
“ARE NOT THE THOUGHTS OF THE DYING OFTEN TURNED TOWARD THE PRACTICAL,
PAINFUL, OBSCURE, VISCERAL ASPECT? TOWARD THE SEAMY SIDE OF DEATH WHICH
IS, AS IT HAPPENS, THE SIDE THAT DEATH ACTUALLY PRESENTS TO THEM AND
FORCES THEM TO FEEL, AND WHICH FAR MORE CLOSELY RESEMBLES A CRUSHING
BURDEN, A DIFFICULTY IN BREATHING, A DESTROYING THIRST, THAN THE
ABSTRACT IDEA TO WHICH WE ARE ACCUSTOMED TO GIVE THE NAME OF DEATH?”
… Danny, what the hell?
I’M SORRY. I MEANT “THANK YOU, THIS IS A WONDERFUL PARTY.”
(from animalstalkinginallcaps)
… Danny, what the hell?
I’M SORRY. I MEANT “THANK YOU, THIS IS A WONDERFUL PARTY.”
(from animalstalkinginallcaps)
monday is the new friday...
Missing Scraps in weird, jagged pangs today. Dunno where it comes from sometimes, but still wrecks me....
Monday, June 11, 2012
Nephewpalooza and the aftermath...
Yeah, I earned my frigging Cool Aunt Wings this weekend. Unless you are Nephew #1 (let's go with N1, and this is totally based on birth order, not preference, which will become clear shortly) who is probably a bit pissed at me. However, to be honest: he was a jerk. And, since he's only 11.75, I'm gonna do all in my power to make sure he doesn't arrive at seventh grade a complete prick. So...you know, suck it up, kiddo.
Yeah. The 4 year old and I had a delightful day, until he renigged on his promise to clean the toys up off the floor in his room for and additional 5 minutes of computer time (I could have told him that was a bad deal, but, hell, he's 4, he has no conception of minutes at this point...gotta enjoy it before he starts bargaining in half-hour blocks) and we had to have a little "stop hyperventilating about having to do what you said you'd do. I'm not mad. But you made a deal, and now you are breaking it" (his dad uses the term "deal" so I went with it. Fucking hippies. Between that and the older brother who is paying the price for "We don't say "no" to him, because it hurts his feelings" I am on fire right now as all the chickens come home to roost at once.
Ultimately Nephew #3 (again, birth order, not preference) calmed down and told me he needed help. I said, that was perfectly ok, he just needed to TELL ME that, and not scream like an injured badger. So, he asked for help, and we cleaned his room, and no tears were shed. And I got to tell him it was ok to ask for help, that I wasn't mad at him, which, for those of us going through YEARS of THERAPY; is helpful to hear WHEN YOU ARE 3. It's a real hassle when you are 43.
Ah, yeah. So there's that. Otherwise, it was awesome, we made banana bread, played robot wars, sword fight, and built legos. We watched classic Disney (because I will not abide by the ne pap Disney nonsense. Give me Pluto chasing Chip 'n Dale, or give me nothing!), and ultimately, the Germany vs. Portugal game of the first round of the Euros, in which of course N3 took Portugal as his team (I know, that Ronaldo, he's a doll), but ultimately he got bored, and his parents came home, and I showered and headed to Round #2: the Moto Boys.
Argh. I did this thing where I said I'd sit in exchange for a haircut from their mom, who used to cut my hair. I apparently forgot how half assed she is about it, not much change in style. Anyway. N1 was monoploizing the conversation, mostly about his most current (and most damaging) injury to his arm. He cut nerves this time, if he jacks up recovery, he could lose the use of half his right hand. Brilliant. I won't even go into how stupid the antics were that led to this, but will say he wasn't racing. Ultimately though, the night started well, we trolled cable looking for a movie to watch, the boys bickered a bit, I made pizza and salad from scratch (they don't get actual cooking much). We played poker (5 card draw, blackjack, and something they referred to as "indian poker") ultimately, N1 won more than N2 and I, but whatever, it's just a game, and we all had a good time. The computer beckoned, ultimately, and N2 went up to play, and N1 with his damaged arm, can't really play full speed, so he was just in there, dinking around. When I went up, he was perusing his father's yearbooks....which was odd, and...I'll detail offline. But suffice to say: probably not awesome to let your 11 year old son read your yearbook. Generally. But especially if you had a paranoid, clingy girlfriend.
Anyway, somehow, ultimately a random comment about facebook got N1 fired up and he started using his i-Touch to take crap photos of me and calling me names, and saying he would post them on facebook. So I shut the night down (we were about an hour from designated bedtime anyway) and took N2 downstairs, leaving N1 to sit in his finely appointed room (i-touch/internet/dvd player) alone. Me and N2, who immediately crowed "I've been waiting for this all night, when N1 gets in trouble" (!) and I popped some corn, watched some horrible show called i-Carley, and then used a kit he had to make bubble gum (watermelon mint, for those wondering.....) and then I put him to bed as well.
It was a long night, but I ended it with a delightful cocktail and watching my beloved Arsenal on the big (seriously big, like 72" of big) screen, as FSC replayed a champs league game from early in the season at midnight.
That's right, my brother and his wife, who were suppposed to be home "around 10" rolled in at 1a.m..
He was shocked I was still awake; and I was all: do you know what I do for a living? At all?
But I didn't say that, cause what's the point.
Anyway, and then today, show up at work at 2pm, ready to do a shitload of prep, especially desserts, and no one is at the restaurant. No one shows up until 3:30.
So angry. But it was mitigated by TMTM pulling me from pantry prep and just having me do desserts, and then when my pals Debra and Lisa came in (and they brought another friend, woot!) I sent out apps, a pizza, they bought entrees, and I sent a dessert sampler. Got to visit the table a couple of times and it was awesome. So good to have people in, I have missed that so much. The rest of the night was a mess, having the Guy Who Should Be Fired still there is annoying, but, you know, whatever. I've been through this before, so I can certainly do it again. The ladies loved their dinner, and I had a decent night. Tomorrow will be way better. TMTM is awesome, and I always look forward to working with him. I got to meet his wife last week, and she's rad, so it's nice to have the circle expand. I dunno. Just take each day as it comes, really...but so happy to like my job again - though the lack of space fucking pisses me off from a dessert perspective, but y'now, whatever, I'll adapt, it just takes time to figure out how to make the space work.
yeah. and I got to listen to Riz on the way home. Dammit, I love this town. Gun-toting freaks be damned.
Yeah. The 4 year old and I had a delightful day, until he renigged on his promise to clean the toys up off the floor in his room for and additional 5 minutes of computer time (I could have told him that was a bad deal, but, hell, he's 4, he has no conception of minutes at this point...gotta enjoy it before he starts bargaining in half-hour blocks) and we had to have a little "stop hyperventilating about having to do what you said you'd do. I'm not mad. But you made a deal, and now you are breaking it" (his dad uses the term "deal" so I went with it. Fucking hippies. Between that and the older brother who is paying the price for "We don't say "no" to him, because it hurts his feelings" I am on fire right now as all the chickens come home to roost at once.
Ultimately Nephew #3 (again, birth order, not preference) calmed down and told me he needed help. I said, that was perfectly ok, he just needed to TELL ME that, and not scream like an injured badger. So, he asked for help, and we cleaned his room, and no tears were shed. And I got to tell him it was ok to ask for help, that I wasn't mad at him, which, for those of us going through YEARS of THERAPY; is helpful to hear WHEN YOU ARE 3. It's a real hassle when you are 43.
Ah, yeah. So there's that. Otherwise, it was awesome, we made banana bread, played robot wars, sword fight, and built legos. We watched classic Disney (because I will not abide by the ne pap Disney nonsense. Give me Pluto chasing Chip 'n Dale, or give me nothing!), and ultimately, the Germany vs. Portugal game of the first round of the Euros, in which of course N3 took Portugal as his team (I know, that Ronaldo, he's a doll), but ultimately he got bored, and his parents came home, and I showered and headed to Round #2: the Moto Boys.
Argh. I did this thing where I said I'd sit in exchange for a haircut from their mom, who used to cut my hair. I apparently forgot how half assed she is about it, not much change in style. Anyway. N1 was monoploizing the conversation, mostly about his most current (and most damaging) injury to his arm. He cut nerves this time, if he jacks up recovery, he could lose the use of half his right hand. Brilliant. I won't even go into how stupid the antics were that led to this, but will say he wasn't racing. Ultimately though, the night started well, we trolled cable looking for a movie to watch, the boys bickered a bit, I made pizza and salad from scratch (they don't get actual cooking much). We played poker (5 card draw, blackjack, and something they referred to as "indian poker") ultimately, N1 won more than N2 and I, but whatever, it's just a game, and we all had a good time. The computer beckoned, ultimately, and N2 went up to play, and N1 with his damaged arm, can't really play full speed, so he was just in there, dinking around. When I went up, he was perusing his father's yearbooks....which was odd, and...I'll detail offline. But suffice to say: probably not awesome to let your 11 year old son read your yearbook. Generally. But especially if you had a paranoid, clingy girlfriend.
Anyway, somehow, ultimately a random comment about facebook got N1 fired up and he started using his i-Touch to take crap photos of me and calling me names, and saying he would post them on facebook. So I shut the night down (we were about an hour from designated bedtime anyway) and took N2 downstairs, leaving N1 to sit in his finely appointed room (i-touch/internet/dvd player) alone. Me and N2, who immediately crowed "I've been waiting for this all night, when N1 gets in trouble" (!) and I popped some corn, watched some horrible show called i-Carley, and then used a kit he had to make bubble gum (watermelon mint, for those wondering.....) and then I put him to bed as well.
It was a long night, but I ended it with a delightful cocktail and watching my beloved Arsenal on the big (seriously big, like 72" of big) screen, as FSC replayed a champs league game from early in the season at midnight.
That's right, my brother and his wife, who were suppposed to be home "around 10" rolled in at 1a.m..
He was shocked I was still awake; and I was all: do you know what I do for a living? At all?
But I didn't say that, cause what's the point.
Anyway, and then today, show up at work at 2pm, ready to do a shitload of prep, especially desserts, and no one is at the restaurant. No one shows up until 3:30.
So angry. But it was mitigated by TMTM pulling me from pantry prep and just having me do desserts, and then when my pals Debra and Lisa came in (and they brought another friend, woot!) I sent out apps, a pizza, they bought entrees, and I sent a dessert sampler. Got to visit the table a couple of times and it was awesome. So good to have people in, I have missed that so much. The rest of the night was a mess, having the Guy Who Should Be Fired still there is annoying, but, you know, whatever. I've been through this before, so I can certainly do it again. The ladies loved their dinner, and I had a decent night. Tomorrow will be way better. TMTM is awesome, and I always look forward to working with him. I got to meet his wife last week, and she's rad, so it's nice to have the circle expand. I dunno. Just take each day as it comes, really...but so happy to like my job again - though the lack of space fucking pisses me off from a dessert perspective, but y'now, whatever, I'll adapt, it just takes time to figure out how to make the space work.
yeah. and I got to listen to Riz on the way home. Dammit, I love this town. Gun-toting freaks be damned.
Friday, June 08, 2012
creme and sugar, personified
What is amazing sometimes, is how if you envision something you can make it happen. Now, I have yet to work this mojo with places to live, but with jobs? dammit. i made toasted farro ice cream today - his idea, my manipulation of ingredients, and it is pure awesome. THAT IS WHAT I HAVE WANTED. A fucking chef who says "hey, what about THIS?" and I say "ok" and make it awesome.
Fuck reprographics. Seriously. Yes, the hours are hard, and the cleaning is continual, but dammit, tonight, as a guy sat at my station and watched a chessecake go out and went ""Wow, that looks amazing, I'll have that" and then proceeded to text his girlfriend to show her? Yeah. I love that shit. Dunno, maybe it's the failed actor or director in me, but, goddmmit, i love when people go "Wow" and this isn't even the best iteration.
The GMB ate the buttermilk panna cotta I made, and wolfed it fucking down."That is incredible. I could eat the shit out of that" sooooo, clearly his palate leans towards the creme...good to know, cause that, thanks to CG is my forte. Though, I'm aching to do a caramel thing....anyway, still working on timing, but it's coming.
I love this city, but cannot wait to be close enough to use public transport. You fuckers drive like idiots. Holy shit. And the rain, STILL only makes it worse WTF Seattle? Jesus. I will say this, at least Californians know how to merge. Grrrr. Just a couple more weeks. Got some good leads, so will be looking into them shortly. Foot of Capitol Hill, I swear, but am seriously gonna take a look at the building Dawn and I were in so many years ago....they are renting and appear to be independant....so, fingers crossed and stuff.
Fuck reprographics. Seriously. Yes, the hours are hard, and the cleaning is continual, but dammit, tonight, as a guy sat at my station and watched a chessecake go out and went ""Wow, that looks amazing, I'll have that" and then proceeded to text his girlfriend to show her? Yeah. I love that shit. Dunno, maybe it's the failed actor or director in me, but, goddmmit, i love when people go "Wow" and this isn't even the best iteration.
The GMB ate the buttermilk panna cotta I made, and wolfed it fucking down."That is incredible. I could eat the shit out of that" sooooo, clearly his palate leans towards the creme...good to know, cause that, thanks to CG is my forte. Though, I'm aching to do a caramel thing....anyway, still working on timing, but it's coming.
I love this city, but cannot wait to be close enough to use public transport. You fuckers drive like idiots. Holy shit. And the rain, STILL only makes it worse WTF Seattle? Jesus. I will say this, at least Californians know how to merge. Grrrr. Just a couple more weeks. Got some good leads, so will be looking into them shortly. Foot of Capitol Hill, I swear, but am seriously gonna take a look at the building Dawn and I were in so many years ago....they are renting and appear to be independant....so, fingers crossed and stuff.
Thursday, June 07, 2012
night moves
It ended up being four for dinner last night - the Q's came too - and my face hurts from all the smiling and laughing - got to see their lovely office, on 12th, and visit with their delightful dog Fisher, an Aussie mix who's 13 now, but getting long quite well, if a little grey in the muzzle :)
When Ms Q asked where I was living and I said I'd be doing that next month, she grabbed my arm and was all "You have to move close to us!!" which would be awesome, but...they live on the Hill. North Cap, but still...sigh. Just don't think I could take that much hipster on a daily basis. We'll see.
Also, Saturday, went down to the Off Ramp (it's called El Corazon now, but it will forever be the Off Ramp to me, no matter what sign they hang or color they paint shit) to see KevSecs, and a few others play an all ages show. One of the other performers was Tim from the band Avail, who I hadn't seen in years - they were from Virginia, and we had played several times with them. It was fun, I got a chance to say hi once again to one of my favorite musicians, congratulate him on his van acquisition (he did a Kickstarter thing to raise money, and has been touring the shit out of the US ever since) and have a great, low-impact night.The all ages thing though - really amazing to be around that energy again, they don't seem as jaded as their 20-something big brothers, not as negative either...dare i say, a bit smarter? Dunno. Small, specialized sample in that room, certainly.
When Ms Q asked where I was living and I said I'd be doing that next month, she grabbed my arm and was all "You have to move close to us!!" which would be awesome, but...they live on the Hill. North Cap, but still...sigh. Just don't think I could take that much hipster on a daily basis. We'll see.
Also, Saturday, went down to the Off Ramp (it's called El Corazon now, but it will forever be the Off Ramp to me, no matter what sign they hang or color they paint shit) to see KevSecs, and a few others play an all ages show. One of the other performers was Tim from the band Avail, who I hadn't seen in years - they were from Virginia, and we had played several times with them. It was fun, I got a chance to say hi once again to one of my favorite musicians, congratulate him on his van acquisition (he did a Kickstarter thing to raise money, and has been touring the shit out of the US ever since) and have a great, low-impact night.The all ages thing though - really amazing to be around that energy again, they don't seem as jaded as their 20-something big brothers, not as negative either...dare i say, a bit smarter? Dunno. Small, specialized sample in that room, certainly.
Wednesday, June 06, 2012
Tuesday, June 05, 2012
ephemera...
Just some random notes...great night tonight - just me andThe Matt that Matters (TMM) on the line, we got hit with a lot of tables, and everything went according to plan. Northwest debut of the CFC with apricots and red raspberry/red wine redueaux; hit with staff, but incompetent servers couldn't sell. What I wouldn't give to have Craig and Gena in this house. Hopefully, maybe Johnny will be on board tomorrow and he will be able to do it justice. Later, GMB came in on his day off, and while he refused to frigging try the CFC, he was willing to look at a photo. He'll look longingly at it tomorrow before I get there, surely :) He also made a point to give me kudos for my personal dinner pizza I was making, and also to take me aside, and...well, tell me how fucking awesome I am. Apparently, everyone has good things to say about me.
The reality: acting like a responsible adult goes a long way in this industry. Just saying. But....I have some love-based skillz.
Finally, another Kinko's alumni who has undergone some crucial change has made contact, and here's the thing about being back in my Town: my friends here are so varied, so diverse, so fucking talented. It's amazing to be back in their universe. I think I had a hard time in California thinking I had failed, based on choices I had made, but the reality is: my life is my own. What I have chosen is where I am. And you know what? I'm not ashamed. I am not sad. I love what I do, where I am, and who I know. Need to find place to live, but probably not until mid-July, tho as I keep plying my sister in law with desserts, my nephew with playing French and robot wars, and my brother with esoteric discussions about genetics and stuff, I should be fine. Schedule works great, and looks like I might actually get to see Chelsea play - it's not my Gunners but it's something....Euro-wise, Ireland and Croatia play on Sunday, at 11:30am...wonder if there are any IRE fans who'd be willing to hit a pub (George & Dragon are showing it live at 11:30am) before noon - I wouldn't have to be at work until 2:30...so it could be perfect....I mean, I couldn't have many beers, but maybe one would be ok...;) Plus, the Euros! Supposed to be way better matches than the World Cup, and I even enjoyed listening to those matches on the radio - stoked for the summer!
The reality: acting like a responsible adult goes a long way in this industry. Just saying. But....I have some love-based skillz.
Finally, another Kinko's alumni who has undergone some crucial change has made contact, and here's the thing about being back in my Town: my friends here are so varied, so diverse, so fucking talented. It's amazing to be back in their universe. I think I had a hard time in California thinking I had failed, based on choices I had made, but the reality is: my life is my own. What I have chosen is where I am. And you know what? I'm not ashamed. I am not sad. I love what I do, where I am, and who I know. Need to find place to live, but probably not until mid-July, tho as I keep plying my sister in law with desserts, my nephew with playing French and robot wars, and my brother with esoteric discussions about genetics and stuff, I should be fine. Schedule works great, and looks like I might actually get to see Chelsea play - it's not my Gunners but it's something....Euro-wise, Ireland and Croatia play on Sunday, at 11:30am...wonder if there are any IRE fans who'd be willing to hit a pub (George & Dragon are showing it live at 11:30am) before noon - I wouldn't have to be at work until 2:30...so it could be perfect....I mean, I couldn't have many beers, but maybe one would be ok...;) Plus, the Euros! Supposed to be way better matches than the World Cup, and I even enjoyed listening to those matches on the radio - stoked for the summer!
Saturday, June 02, 2012
IF YOU STOP PLAYING HORRIBLE
ACOUSTIC VERSIONS OF MODERN TOP 40 HITS I WILL LITERALLY GIVE YOU ALL
THE MONEY I HAVE IN THE WORLD.
IT MEANS THAT MUCH TO ME.
PLEASE.
(from http://animalstalkinginallcaps.tumblr.com/)
IT MEANS THAT MUCH TO ME.
PLEASE.
(from http://animalstalkinginallcaps.tumblr.com/)
Current schedule at new awesome job: Friday, Saturday, and Wednesday off!! Do you know how amazing that will be if it is still in place when Arsenal season starts?? So great. I will be closer to some pub, somewhere, to watch the games as intended, with other Gooners. Also, still working on maybe seeing Chelsea play Sounders in July. Miss my bi-polar footy boys already, hope they all have a safe Euro 2012.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
another state of mind
Tonight, GMB asked me to specifically to give him some new dessert ideas. Gonna bust out the creme fraiche cheesecake (which will grate CG's chain no end, should he happen to make contact again or react to the inevitable post I will do to document the PNW debut of my signature dessert) and also do a modified version of Tuscan Cannoli, and that is just the start...gallettes follow, and ice creams are on it as well....but seriously? Cannot believe how perfect this will be, once I get used to being actually busy (3 pizzas on a ticket? plus calzone trio? fuck you, bar menu :)
It's hard to describe how different I feel being in a place I love (and I don't just mean the restaurant, I mean this town, mindless random shootings notwithstanding) doing what I love, what I'm genuinely passionate about. Both GMB and TheOtherMatt are great to work with, and seem like they will happily trade ideas and techniques. GMB was all stoked and eyes glittery when I told him I made my own graham crackers - and I was equally taken with learning to roll and cut ravioli on Tuesday. I love learning new stuff, and most especially food oriented new stuff.
There's been a wave of grief for some of my pals losing a parent; first Karen, then Smitty and now it appears Lia's father is not doing well, and has gone into hospice - it's interesting how you get these cycles, and as much as I hate to welcome any more members into the Dead Parent Club, it's actually kind of centering to have gone through the process already, and to have an understanding for what your friends might be feeling.
One the flip side of that, are other phases people go through (now that I seem to be well past the wedding and baby shower phases, whew) with a spike of people in my life now with 3 and 4 year olds, (GMB has one, the nephew, drl, Balto Rob, etc) and then an interesting wave of people who had kids back in the day when I could (should?) have, who are now graduating high school (smrge, Tory, etc). Circle of Life, and all that.
Hopefully, the words will come soon...
Monday, May 28, 2012
Sunday, May 27, 2012
in other news...
What's really weird, is how ok everything has been. It's like I was meant to be here. Even now, as I listen to old Detonators songs (holy crap, "When you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything" just, epically, rocks. No wonder I was so willing to drive that AstroVan to the end of the Earth for those guys) and I drive home from a 12 hour shift at a job I quite admittedly love, (how great is that, I'm pretty sure it hasn't felt like that since early days of Lantana) even though it is, very possibly, the most physically taxing I've ever had - but dammit, I love it when I hear tables go "wow"; even if it's not my dish - I love that I'm on the same damn team with people who also make people go "wow".
I genuinely feel that, and want to always remember it, in case there comes a time when I can't remember that I made it through, that I'm ok with what happens as you work at love, when you go ahead and follow your heart even though sometimes the results aren't what you expect. I'm not going to stop loving, because it's worth it. The pain and the joy. It's all life is, really. Pain and joy. That in between nonsense? That is quite clearly limbo, and I don't want any part of it. Period. I will take each day as it happens. I will enjoy each moment that is given, and if the moments are painful, I will work to learn and move through it.
So, then, this: Mom and I swung by Dad's gravesite on Saturday. I hadn't been in quite a while. It wasn't clear how long it had been until we got there, and I saw that the tree next to him that was just a sapling the last 2 times I'd been there was now a fucking serious, real, TREE. Yikes. There were all sorts of new housing tracts and development in the area, but to be honest, that hasn't really fazed me. But that fucking tree? Holy shit. Time and trees is serious business, and there is no greater indicator of time passing than the transformation of a little sapling into an actual tree.
Yeah. Also, that 4 year old (well, he'll be 4 next month, so we might as well get used to saying it) is quite a wonder. He's taken a liking to the "Learn French" app on my i-phone. He and i play it together almost every day i see him. It's awesome; he crawls into my lap, and says "let's play the French game" and we proceed to play word games to learn french. awesome. then we play robot wars. or guns. or crazy8s...it's all quite good. The other nephews, who i don't see as much, are ok, though the oldest just nearly lopped off his right arm, and he wasn't even racing, he was dicking around with the starting gate at the track that he frequents and that his father (my brother) volunteers at - that's right, running the starting gate.
I have this secret belief the #1 nephew is purposely injuring himself to remove himself from racing forever...though i know that's silly...still. Meanwhile, nephew #2: I went and was audience to him being part of his class chorus performance - apparently he was supposed to have a solo, but when the music teacher (and may I take a moment to mention how every music teacher I have ever known, right down to ms. cohee in 4th grade has been a total jerk? a complete egomaniac, and most of all, usually so prone to favoritism that even a nine year old knows when they are being slighted? Yeah. Not just one nine year old, as a matter of fact, but eight of us...but that's a story for another time ((actually probably only for a therapist TBD....)) was told that #2 would miss the evening performance because he had a race to attend, she pulled him completely from the two-show program, so no afternoon performance for his mom, aunts and grandma, and...well, she's really lucky I didn't follow her into the parking lot. Honestly, what a cow.
Ok, that's a serious digression. What it does mean though, is that I'm happy to be part of the family again, and I very much dig my job, and the people I work with, I totally seem to have really found pretty much the most perfect fit I could imagine (though, again, small owners, no bennies, but at least they've been open for a few years now), and my friends are pretty damn cool too. Mostly though, I adore being in a city I know, that is familiar, and that I feel comfortable in - it's still quite hard to describe, as it's not a Pollyanna "Yay! Seattle Is Awesome!!" thing, but in a much more "ah, yeah, I know what that is, I know who they are, I know how this works" kind of thing.
Random neighborhood shootings aside though. Not sure what is with all the white anger, but i see it in traffic, in parking lots, in grocery stores....it's odd when I come off sounding like the hippie telling people to relax.
Also: misfired pizza and copper river salmon for dinner to take home, after a lovely chat over our shift drinks with the sous chef and a server who is in the running for Daniel's crown? Awesome. So Happy. I can't even remember having so many ducks in a row...next up: find a new, great place to live.
I genuinely feel that, and want to always remember it, in case there comes a time when I can't remember that I made it through, that I'm ok with what happens as you work at love, when you go ahead and follow your heart even though sometimes the results aren't what you expect. I'm not going to stop loving, because it's worth it. The pain and the joy. It's all life is, really. Pain and joy. That in between nonsense? That is quite clearly limbo, and I don't want any part of it. Period. I will take each day as it happens. I will enjoy each moment that is given, and if the moments are painful, I will work to learn and move through it.
So, then, this: Mom and I swung by Dad's gravesite on Saturday. I hadn't been in quite a while. It wasn't clear how long it had been until we got there, and I saw that the tree next to him that was just a sapling the last 2 times I'd been there was now a fucking serious, real, TREE. Yikes. There were all sorts of new housing tracts and development in the area, but to be honest, that hasn't really fazed me. But that fucking tree? Holy shit. Time and trees is serious business, and there is no greater indicator of time passing than the transformation of a little sapling into an actual tree.
Yeah. Also, that 4 year old (well, he'll be 4 next month, so we might as well get used to saying it) is quite a wonder. He's taken a liking to the "Learn French" app on my i-phone. He and i play it together almost every day i see him. It's awesome; he crawls into my lap, and says "let's play the French game" and we proceed to play word games to learn french. awesome. then we play robot wars. or guns. or crazy8s...it's all quite good. The other nephews, who i don't see as much, are ok, though the oldest just nearly lopped off his right arm, and he wasn't even racing, he was dicking around with the starting gate at the track that he frequents and that his father (my brother) volunteers at - that's right, running the starting gate.
I have this secret belief the #1 nephew is purposely injuring himself to remove himself from racing forever...though i know that's silly...still. Meanwhile, nephew #2: I went and was audience to him being part of his class chorus performance - apparently he was supposed to have a solo, but when the music teacher (and may I take a moment to mention how every music teacher I have ever known, right down to ms. cohee in 4th grade has been a total jerk? a complete egomaniac, and most of all, usually so prone to favoritism that even a nine year old knows when they are being slighted? Yeah. Not just one nine year old, as a matter of fact, but eight of us...but that's a story for another time ((actually probably only for a therapist TBD....)) was told that #2 would miss the evening performance because he had a race to attend, she pulled him completely from the two-show program, so no afternoon performance for his mom, aunts and grandma, and...well, she's really lucky I didn't follow her into the parking lot. Honestly, what a cow.
Ok, that's a serious digression. What it does mean though, is that I'm happy to be part of the family again, and I very much dig my job, and the people I work with, I totally seem to have really found pretty much the most perfect fit I could imagine (though, again, small owners, no bennies, but at least they've been open for a few years now), and my friends are pretty damn cool too. Mostly though, I adore being in a city I know, that is familiar, and that I feel comfortable in - it's still quite hard to describe, as it's not a Pollyanna "Yay! Seattle Is Awesome!!" thing, but in a much more "ah, yeah, I know what that is, I know who they are, I know how this works" kind of thing.
Random neighborhood shootings aside though. Not sure what is with all the white anger, but i see it in traffic, in parking lots, in grocery stores....it's odd when I come off sounding like the hippie telling people to relax.
Also: misfired pizza and copper river salmon for dinner to take home, after a lovely chat over our shift drinks with the sous chef and a server who is in the running for Daniel's crown? Awesome. So Happy. I can't even remember having so many ducks in a row...next up: find a new, great place to live.
Friday, May 25, 2012
Oh, Seattle, as much as you've changed, there's still plenty that's the same. Still have the most tame homeless folk in the country, the worst parking, crappy drivers (seriously, I have seen more accidents and near accidents in the last 14 days than I saw in 4 years in the Bay Area, and also, why all the snotty looks and cranky hand gestures? Makes one nostalgic for the ghetto mamas in their SUVs who were completely oblivious to everything around them...almost) - and you still have on-ramps to the I-5 in all the places I remember them, one way streets right where I left them, and most of all - Michael's Market/Deli, just off Fairview, still right there where I need it, all night. How delightful to go in there, grab a bottle of wine, and stand behind the biker couple who were debating which condoms to buy...and there's still a late night Subway next door - not that I'd ever eat there ever again, but it's kind of nice to know some things NEVER change. Back in the day (yup, I'm that person...) Dawnie G and I would wander over there to buy a couple of bottles of cheap champagne and I would buy a pack of clove cigarettes - because apparently, I couldn't wait to do damage to my lungs then, so that now, 25 years later, I can take 12 days to get over a flu virus....anyway, to the best of my recollection that was the first place that ever sold me booze, and while I'd like to believe it's the same surly Asian college student serving me, I'm pretty sure it can't possibly be: that dude would be like....my age now :)
Anyway. Still frigging sick, still sore throat and coughy, but fever seems to have subsided, so that's a plus. Got to work most of the night with Chef GMB, as he let He Who I Will Be Replacing But Hasn't Been Fired Yet go home early tonight - and it was awesome. I jacked a pizza early on, but re-fired it quick like, and asked for help when I needed it. He and I have a similar sense of humor, and best of all - he's matter-of-fact when he needs to be, and easy going when he can be. He ran the filet trim I did last week as an app tonight, "beef crudo" and sold it out: full on awesome. Just goes to show you that if you are creative, there is no loss in product - because I didn't screw the meat up, I just had a bit more trim than I should have, but it worked great for that preparation: so people actually got something awesome because I kind of fucked up - but again, since I hadn't done that for years, getting one less than I was supposed to: not too shabby. It was nice to see it being sold, at any rate. My pizza special of the day didn't sell much, but pizza business was slow in general (oddly) though I did get to do a mini calzone trio (boooo, lame app, stupid bar menu) but overall, and in the end, I got a "great job" and a fist bump (...) as GMB left. It turns out, he's also only been cooking pro for 5 years...so, there's that. Interesting stuff, and after another week, I'm looking forward to inviting people I know in. Probably start doing dessert menu items next month, and....and, well, it all seems good. I was a little panicky last week, a bit overwhelmed and mostly deathly ill - but it's settling out. Now, to get some paychecks stashed away so I can move into the city. I'd like to be somewhere at the foot of either Hill, or maybe something in that South Lake Union/Belltown-ish area....or, maybe north again, on a quick and constant busline...'cause I'm already over driving. Anyway, off for the next couple of days, hoping to do some real writing, check in on family (that I don't live with), and maybe go see a movie or something...who knows? Singer guy and I were supposed to meet up, but then he had work stuff in LA, so not sure what will happen with that next. Oh, am also reading the Cherie Currie bio, as Jules loaned it to me. haven't met up with Debra yet, but looking forward to that as soon as her Actual Job Holding/Grad Student self has some time....and, uh, still working on touching base with Xerox Rodney and some sort of ad-hoc Kinko's reunion...summer beckons...wow, I might be able to go to Bumbershoot at least one day this year....which would probably be all I could tolerate anyway...hrmmmm.
Also, yeah, I still miss smrge.
Anyway. Still frigging sick, still sore throat and coughy, but fever seems to have subsided, so that's a plus. Got to work most of the night with Chef GMB, as he let He Who I Will Be Replacing But Hasn't Been Fired Yet go home early tonight - and it was awesome. I jacked a pizza early on, but re-fired it quick like, and asked for help when I needed it. He and I have a similar sense of humor, and best of all - he's matter-of-fact when he needs to be, and easy going when he can be. He ran the filet trim I did last week as an app tonight, "beef crudo" and sold it out: full on awesome. Just goes to show you that if you are creative, there is no loss in product - because I didn't screw the meat up, I just had a bit more trim than I should have, but it worked great for that preparation: so people actually got something awesome because I kind of fucked up - but again, since I hadn't done that for years, getting one less than I was supposed to: not too shabby. It was nice to see it being sold, at any rate. My pizza special of the day didn't sell much, but pizza business was slow in general (oddly) though I did get to do a mini calzone trio (boooo, lame app, stupid bar menu) but overall, and in the end, I got a "great job" and a fist bump (...) as GMB left. It turns out, he's also only been cooking pro for 5 years...so, there's that. Interesting stuff, and after another week, I'm looking forward to inviting people I know in. Probably start doing dessert menu items next month, and....and, well, it all seems good. I was a little panicky last week, a bit overwhelmed and mostly deathly ill - but it's settling out. Now, to get some paychecks stashed away so I can move into the city. I'd like to be somewhere at the foot of either Hill, or maybe something in that South Lake Union/Belltown-ish area....or, maybe north again, on a quick and constant busline...'cause I'm already over driving. Anyway, off for the next couple of days, hoping to do some real writing, check in on family (that I don't live with), and maybe go see a movie or something...who knows? Singer guy and I were supposed to meet up, but then he had work stuff in LA, so not sure what will happen with that next. Oh, am also reading the Cherie Currie bio, as Jules loaned it to me. haven't met up with Debra yet, but looking forward to that as soon as her Actual Job Holding/Grad Student self has some time....and, uh, still working on touching base with Xerox Rodney and some sort of ad-hoc Kinko's reunion...summer beckons...wow, I might be able to go to Bumbershoot at least one day this year....which would probably be all I could tolerate anyway...hrmmmm.
Also, yeah, I still miss smrge.
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