1. Is the name you have now the same name that's on your birth certificate? If not, what's changed?

2. If you could change your name (first, middle and/or last), what would it be?

3. Why were you named what you were? (Is there a story behind it? Who specifically was responsible for naming you?)

4. Are there any names you really hate or love? What are they and why?

5. Is the analysis of your name at kabalarians.com / triggur.org / astroexpert accurate? How or how isn't it?

1. What housekeeping chore(s) do you hate doing the most?
i dislike the bathroom. always have.

2. Are there any that you like or don't mind doing?
dishes. the kitchen is ok. though i'm not a huge fan of the refrigerator. (cleaning i mean. i dig cold storage for food)

3. Do you have a routine throughout the week or just clean as it's needed?
kind of a routine, but SMRHE does the house stuff (vacuum, sweep, etc) about once a week. kitchen every night. the rest, is as-needed.

4. Do you have any odd cleaning/housekeeping quirks or rules?
i freak out about grease on handles, and i'm a bit of a freak about how the silverware should go in (handle down, not headfirst - icky). oh, and i hate wadded up wet towels and washclothes - i have an issue with mold.

5. What was the last thing you cleaned?
animals water bowl this morning.

not a good week - though several times i've wanted to just pound out some words about repeated dreams involving the Ex, weirding me out as it's happened at least 3 nights in a row now (WTF? we're supposed to go see the band play tomorrow, so maybe it's all this dread about seeing that? i don't think i've ever seen them play minus me...deep, deep trauma) and then all the repeated listens of the cool 'nats song - and that makes me think about S more than i should...and up soon is b-shoot and as per usual, since i've had the pentultimate b-shoot experience with him i'm almost sure to be all moony on monday. and also there's certainly a chance i could see him as well - as it'll be wilco we go for and surely (though i'm sure he's seen them many times before, i can't imagine he'll pass up the chance to see them with rem too) they'll be in there...somewhere.
on that poignant note (hee!)
1. Are you going to school this year?
gosh, i've thought about it: culinary school. or trying to get a substitute teaching job. or even just a night class in writing or something. but i'm not signed up at all - cause it costs money. which we don't have.

2. If yes, where are you going (high school, college, etc.)? If no, when did you graduate?
no. graduated high school in the fine Orwellian year of 1984. Good year, turns out. I left college in '88.

3. What are/were your favorite school subjects?
English, history and electives, of course. Especially: t.a. in library and a/v (seriously!) in jr high; paperstaff and photography in highschool.
college? dug almost all my classes - except for the damn math. but that's cause i picked what i wanted to take. LOVED my anthropology classes and almost changed my major. also thoroughly enjoyed african politics and the anarchism seminar!

4. What are/were your least favorite school subjects?
math and science, but i lay blame with teachers on that. killed my interest, and not one person EVER mentioned what you could DO with a biology degree (like study marine life and shit).

5. Have you ever had a favorite teacher? Why was he/she a favorite?
Several favorites - starting with Mr Brunnar in 5th grade (he built my self confidence), then Mr Gray in jr high (again with the independant spirit and appreciation for wit and effort), and though neither of them probably even remember me, Mr Hill and Dahlquist in high school, for encouraging my interest in the world outside high school.
no female teachers - except Ms Atkins in jr high, her strength, power and abilty to articulate resonated in me, though she and i weren't especially close either.
other females? nope, not really. didn't really get into female role models ironically.

link, though i never post there...

1. When was the last time you laughed?
watching bowling for columbine, actually - the frigging south park history cartoon plus the crazy nichols man makes me laugh in between thoughful crying bits.
and the husband made me laugh out loud the other day. the dog makes me smile everyday.

2. Who was the last person you had an argument with?
husband, but it wasn't a big arguement. i had a disagreement with a salesperson at work yesterday, that almost qualified as an arguement - after repeating myself 4 times, i was on the verge of yelling at her stupid, dyed-to-cover-the-grey-blonde head.

3. Who was the last person you emailed?
eh, work: my customer service guru.
personal: debra. no one emails me much anymore.

4. When was the last time you bathed?
5:45 this morning. shower. i haven't had a bath in a couple months. i don't really like baths.

5. What was the last thing you ate?
oh, man, the new carmel apple flavor Luna bar. yummy.

boring, boring, boring.
there. that said, now here is where i would ramble aimlessly about all the junk that's rumbling through my head about the usual suspects...but won't cause that's boring too. considered actually calling a career advisor today. might still get around to doing it.
culinary school. that's what i'm thinking.
i mean, if i'm going to work to make people happy, under deadline pressure, then, shouldn't i be cooking instead of desperately trying to make machines do shit they aren't built to do? right. i mean, it'll be a shame i don't make cards anymore, but oh well...
or something like that.
five.
1. How much time do you spend online each day?
too much. added up - probably close to half my workday is spent online, save for the occasional (very occasionsl) days when i'm actually too busy to gon online. but generally, at least 4 hours worth of on-net time.

2. What is your browser homepage set to?
google.

3. Do you use any instant messaging programs? If so, which one(s)?
briefly used messenger and also that AOL mess, but i don't have enough buddies to be worthwhile, so i bailed on that aspect of online life.

4. Where was your first webpage located?
Microsoft's homepages, followed almost immediately by a diaryland site.
But Hopeyland was the first. There was an Agent 86 page too, that was really groovy, but when Microsloth killed their webpages, i hadn't backed any of it up (not that i had much idea how to at the time) and so it's all lost to the ether now.

5. How long have you had your current website?
My blogpage is about a year old i think. if the d-land one is considered "current" then about 4 years or so.

Some Five action, and then, maybe, more.

1. What's the last place you traveled to, outside your own home state/country?
Golly, guess that has to be Portland, if we're talking home state (ack, how sad is that?) if we're talking country, then it's Iceland, but that was a decade ago. *sigh*

2. What's the most bizarre/unusual thing that's ever happened to you while traveling?
Ooooh, let's go with waking up at the Serbian border, in a bus full of Norwegians as they discover that the 4-foot tall plants by the side of the road are, indeed, cannibis.
Or on that note: Serbian host telling me either a) "Would you like to see my kilo?" or b) "don't mind that guy, he's just a vetran from the war in Afghanistan, he's really fucked up".
There's more, of course. Like the old trucker who pulled over when we had a flat to let us use his compressor to pump our flat up.
The convenience store clerk outside of Sturgis muttering "Now I know why tigers eat their young." at us while we stood in line with filthy bikers. Soooo many options.


3. If you could take off to anywhere, money and time being no object, where would you go?
All over...I'd start with hauling SMRHE to France, so he can smoke in public places, and meet up with Yann. Then to Slovenia, to show him pretty, and calm. Then Italy, to meet up with Adam, then Portugal, to lay by the sea, Spain to eat some Basque stuff, Bordeaux for oldtimes sake, Netherlands for SMRHE, and then I'd get going on places I haven't been. Prague, the Baltics, Turkey, then Tibet. Yeah, Tibet. Maybe some time in South America, like Costa Rica or something. I'd travel forever if I could.

4. Do you prefer traveling by plane, train or car?
Crap. Car, I guess. I like to be able to get out wherever I want. Train is nice for speed and efficiency, but forget planes. Boring. Only to keep traveltimes within limits. If time were no object, a boat would be kinda cool. Sailing around the world would be interesting, though SMRHE wouldn't be down with that.

5. What's the next place on your list to visit?
See above, though what's on tap is a vist to lovely Fresno, California.

Get it? drum up enough nerve.
So darned witty.
Now if I could just remember the name of that guy I worked with at Tower with the crazy wild hair who I thought of when I saw a guy on the bus yesterday with the same crazed Einstien (but younger) hair...Dave something....gah.
And uhm, yeah. At a loss for what to write, yet thinking about writing constantly, what can that possibly mean?
Lazy?

Hi J,
Hey, M here (yer ex-drummer's ex-friend, and uh, y'know, stuff...) and I just yesterday got around to listening to "Golden" and the other stuff you guys have up at MP3.com, and just wanted to take a minute to tell you that I think that song is flat-out fantastic.
Seriously, the only thing I've heard recently that has caught my attention like that was recent Wilco, or locally, Juno...anyway, thanks for sharing your music, and I'm looking forward to hearing more new stuff.
Take care,
:)m
(not quite so punk rock anymore)

i just can't seem to drum up the nerve to send it directly, so i'll just post it. no one gets here anyway, right?

Finally:
1. What time do you wake up on weekday mornings?
5am(ish)

2. Do you sleep in on the weekends? How late?
As much and as often as possible - usually until about 9 or so - lately The Single Most Rocking Husband Ever has even been taking it upon himself to fill a nice thermos of fresh coffee for me so I don't have to swill the end of the pot he makes first thing...sooo sweet.

3. Aside from waking up, what is the first thing you do in the morning?
Walk the pup. Ok, first I get dressed then walk the dog, then make coffee, shower, make lunch, dress, then hair & makeup.

4. How long does it take to get ready for your day?
Approximately 45 minutes, including the dog's walk around the block.

5. When possible, what is your favorite place to go for breakfast?
I don't have a favorite place - generally I like breakfast at home. But, anywhere with good coffee (not Starbuck$) and nice sweets - muffins, etc will do. I'm also a sucker for hash browns - but am too lazy to actually get out of the house to purchase them. Me & TSMRHE dig pancakes at home, about 11am on a Sunday most of all.
Nope, we don't read the NYT in bed. Though it's a lovely fantasy....

"I am mindful that we're all sinners and I caution those who may try to take a speck out of the neighbor's eye when they got a log in their own," the president said. "I think it is important for our society to respect each individual, to welcome those with good hearts."

agh. is it really too much to ask that a president of the united states of america, however retrograde in his thinking he is, be able to speak his native language with some small bit of ablility?
seriously.

I don't remember where I read it - but it stuck with me: no one, seriously, NO ONE wants to hear you talk about your dream. Unless they were in it. In which case you probably don't want to tell them (unless it's your Rocking Husband, who delights in telling you about the fucked up adventures you seem to have in his subconcious, and even then, it's a bit tiresome) about it. Seems like i see more and more blogs detailing the dreams of their owners. Check it out people: not crucial. People want to hear about your reali-life (which is always more interesting than made-up shit anyway). Ack.
Ok. More later.

Five:

1. If your life were a movie, what would the title be?
What now?

2. What songs would be on the soundtrack?
certainly some 7seconds, some Jawbreaker, a couple of Nick Drake songs, and of course, some Gits fro the really intense parts.

3. Would it be a live-action film or animated? Why?
Very grainy 16mm. Black and white. Because everything looks better that way.

4. Casting: who would play you, members of your family, friends, etc?
Janeane Garafalo as me, Ed Norton as SMRHE and, ahhhh, Phillip Seymore Hoffman as Mike. Yesss!

5. Describe the movie preview/trailer.
hrmm. need to think on that.

1. When was the last time you cheated?
Cheated. Hurmph. Depends on what we're talking about - but as far as a test, it would certainly be high school. But other cheating? I've never cehated on a mate (but that's because until now, I had never pledged my monogamy to anyone. and no one had ever asked it of me). I've cheated by maybe using the carpool lane when I was alone and in a hurry - something like that, which was a year or two ago.

2. When was the last time you stole?
Yeah, last week. I mean, did i take something that i didn't purchase and use it for myself? yeah. but office supplies are so damn expensive!!

3. When was the last time you lied?
Monday.

4. When was the last time you broke or vandalized another's property?
Sometime in DC (so like '90, or '91), I think - when I was slapping pro-choice stickers on cars displaying anti-choice stickers.

5. When was the last time you hurt a loved one?
Hrmm. I think maybe sometime last year.

why are they still letting Dubya speak? it's humiliating and sad to hear the president of the untied states of america, formerly one of the most influential and successful countries on the planet, sputter and jabber, while two feet away, a man who leads the other major empire-building bad-ass country (that's GREAT Britian to you pal) speak more eloquently than Duby ever could.
i mean, it's all fucking horseshit, but once again, Tony Blair, like Bill Clinton, demonstrated that an ability to speak clearly, persuasively, and passionately, no matter WHAT your message is, will always work. Always. As Marshall McLuen said, what, 40 years ago now? It's not the message, it's the medium.
I'm horrified that Dubya pronounces America "Umuraca".
Horrified.

Someday i'm going to figure out how to migrate the diaryland stuff here. And then, maybe I'll even figure out a way to archive it (back it up) so I'll have a copy of it. Meanwhile, the Five:

1. Do you remember your first best friend? Who was it?
Yeah. My very first, very best friend was Melody Santana. I played with girls who lived next door to me, but they were mean to me generally - Teri and Leah, so i didn't ever consider them "best" friends. I was about 6 I think. Kindergarten and first grade.

2. Are you still in touch with this person?
No. We moved when I was in 4th grade - I don't even remember if I wrote her letters or not. Probably not. Man, I remember going to her house though - it was full of people. She had a lot of brothers and sisters and lived pretty close to school (the opposite direction home from me).

3. Do you have a current close friend?
hell yeah. i mean, obviously there is the SMRHE, but then above and beyond the call of duty, is Karen.

4. How did you become friends with this person?
5th grade. She moved into the small hick town the summer after I did, so we were both basically new together. Plus we were geeky, and gifted, so we were paired up almost immediately. I don't remember exactly what brought us together - I think it was our teacher, Mr Brunnar - he paired us up for a project I think.

5. Is there a friend from your past that you wish you were still in contact with? Why?
Agh, so many. I often wish I still was in contact with Sam from Winnipeg, and then of course The Slovenian, and, uhm...well, Linda, who I worked with at Common Concerns...I dunno...so many friends. I never see Charles anymore, and miss him. I miss Danny from Eugene too. Agh. Sad.

How funny. Last weeks Five was about childrens books, and after reading some other posts (i totally forgot to link mine, but ah well) - there are SO many books I loved as a kid that I had forgotten about. The writer who recently died - the one who wrote a book about a duckling that I don't remember, but he also wrote one about a kid named Homer, and a doghnut making machine - I loved that book! And this morning - the book about Fredrick the mouse - with beautiful illustrations in collages. I had completely forgotten about that book - but I loved it too. I had tons of kids books because my grandmother, and elementary school teacher who retired just about the time I was born had stockpiled tons of them, plus my aunt, who was a school sceretary forever as well, also passed literally hundreds of books on to me (I wanted to say us, but my brothers ignored most of them).

Just start writing. This morning, gore-o-rama: two seagulls dragging a dead sparrow (or some similar-sized grey-brown bird) around, one of them pciking at it, then dragging it away from the other one who was doing the vulture thing where he remained just out of pecking distance, but close enough that if the other seagull got distracted he could easily snag the carcass. It looked like a fresh kill - or at least the open wound. Maybe the sparrow had been dead for a while. Did the gulls kill it? it didn't look smashed, so I'm thinking it wasn't hit by a car. Maybe poisoned? Bad dim sum? Eech.
Want to describe my morning, because i think that's a good practice, but want to get to other stuff this morning. Yesterday, at Dr. S's - good, but weird. I'm still avoiding the bulk of the trouble, and when she bunchs up her face, I can tell she knows I'm avoiding - but she's good at keeping the ball rolling with what I do give her. Yesterday, there was mcuh talk about the voices in my head and how hard tehy are to please. To the point of me avoiding shit in order not to fuck it up. But see, that still doesn't reconcile how I fuck shit up knowingly (like with MCWGITW - I quite clearly remember thinking to myself You shouldn't make this call. You know it will end. " But also thinking that I had nothing to lose, 'cause he was a done deal anyway. Married. Wonder how married life is treating him.) And all the stuff with Darren. Had forgotten a lot of that (though not the good parts. But the not-so-good parts, yeah, let those slip away.) Reading old journals - destructive? I often think so, but then, now, when I look at how chaotic things were (hard to beleive there was so much going on because it felt dead, or normal? or something) and how sad it all made me. I dunno. It's frustrating and sad - all that attention, but I drove it away somehow. Attributing it all to ugliness seems almost too easy now. But it's so hard to tell. Eventually i'm gonna have to talk about it. Not looking forward to that session at all.

Just not happenin' for me...and looking backwards isn't doing me much good either, but y'know, cest la vie and all...
Give the Five a go I guess:
1. What were your favorite childhood stories?
As a little kid - I dug Clifford and a lot of books my grandmother gave me (she was a teacher), plus stuff like "Heidi" and the "Secret Garden" (though I hated the ending of both books).
As far as books I chose go, I was hugely devoted to Harriet the Spy, The Three Investigators, and a series about a racehorse called Sunbonnet. though, really, I read just about everything I could get my paws on.
My favorite family stories were the ones my Mom told about the summers she spent in Oceanside.

2. What books from your childhood would you like to share with [your] children?
See above. Oh, and the Judy Blume books "Are You There God?" and uhm, "Blubber" and of course, "Forever".

3. Have you re-read any of those childhood stories and been surprised by anything?
I re-read some of "Harriet" when Justice was reading it, and was just as impressed now as I was then, though now, I see so much more of the stereotyping in it. Not bad - but the New York stuff, and of course, Harriet being the uber-Tomboy/Dyke. Heh. I always wondered where "it" came from.

4. How old were you when you first learned to read?
Dunno - I can't honestly remember not being able to read. So early - maybe 2 or so?

5. Do you remember the first 'grown-up' book you read? How old were you?
Jeez. I think it was probably the books by John Jakes - the trilogy that came out at the bicentennial - "The Bastard" etc (later made into a mini-series) that my grandmother had on the shelf in her bedroom. I read them while staying with her. It could have been something else - maybe like the "Thorn Birds" or "Coal Miner's Daughter" (you get the general feel for when I read it though - somewhere about 8 or 9 years old) or something - but that's the first thing I remember reading that was "adult". I was reading all the time though, so it could have really been anything.

What's it gonna take? I've got more time at work than I know what to do with, and yet nothing is coming from it...save an incredible amount of frustration. Carp. Crap. Whatever. Yesterday - agh. Even the day to day stuff jsut doesn't do it for me. Making a booklet doesn't do it for me. can't write a review. Agh. Agh. Agh.

Sheesh. Then Katharine Hepburn dies, and I stand by and wonder what will be left. Well, it's not quite that dire, but certainly, if there was one actress who, in my formative youth, really convinced me that I would find a place in the world (rightfully, or by virtue of some other twist of fate) it was her. Loved that woman, loved her in her trousers, her fiesty nature, her ultimate giving in to Spencer Tracy that belied her vicious streak. Something in her performances always struck me. And somehow, it was just really nice knowing she was still around, even if you never saw her in the media. Ah well. She won't be forgotten, that's for sure.
Check out Mopey's big ol' writer's block. Can't even scavange together a writing sample for a position at a local newsweekly. Lame, lame, lame. Haven't tried too hard though, and the suckiest thing is that I had thought about just writing up a review of a restraunt just to have, and if I had done that, I could have just fired it off. But No. I didn't. Let's see if the therapist can get that shit cleared up in my head. So far there's been no progress there. I mean on the motivation part. Communication has improved I think. And I feel generally better about myself. But there's still much work to do. What to do about all the ideas that cross my mind? Things that a couple of years ago I would have blogged my bloody head off about, but now, it all seems trite.
Gee, maybe it IS all trite.

Oh, yeah. So it's been a good week for a lot of stuff, but this monring's news that Strom Thurmond, america's foremost racist, misogynist, all around culture-Nazi has finally shuffled off this mortal coil gives me, not joy, but a sense that at least another nail in the coffin of the past is gone. Frigging that man sat and did damage in Congress for far too long. They all sit for far too long, it seems, unless they're good, and then they die in plane crashes.
And how pissed off is Dubya that the Supreme Court upheld the right of two consenting adults to have sex together behind closed doors, for crying out loud? Heee! Seriously, it's not too terribly (though Justice Scalia disagrees and feels that the Court was catering to the Homosexual Agenda, whatever paranoid fantasy that is) daring to say: yeah, you know what, civil rights do extend into the bedroom, especially in light of some retard state keeping laws on the books that legislate that sort of stuff. Crap. Anyone with any interest in personal privacy (and that should be EVERYONE) should be making a lot of noise pro-this decision. Seriously. You folk who say "I've got nothing to hide, so what do I care?' Yeah, you've got nothing to hide NOW, but jsut wait: if Ashcroft has his way, we'll ALL have something to hide. Take that to the (grossly overcharging) bank.