I broke down and gave into a craving for scones yesterday - we had fresh huckleberries in the house so I used those - they turned out amazing - like turbo blueberry scones. Everyone went crazy for them, which is always funny to me, as I thought the texture was a bit off - they were more like Suze's than mine - which would make sense as I used her technique for the first time, actually hand-incorporating the dairy into the mix and then the fruit rather than just using the mixer.
Anyway. They taste really great this morning with coffee & a clear blue sky out my window, all I need is a feral cat to swing by and growl plaintively....

sunday political commentary

IF YOU THINK DRIVING TO A MEDIOCRE CHICKEN SANDWICH JOINT AND PAYING MONEY TO SHOVE FRIED BULLSHIT INTO YOUR HATE HOLE IS THE BEST WAY TO ESPOUSE THE CHRISTIAN VALUES YOU CLAIM TO ADHERE TO THEN I HOPE YOU GET THE MILLIONAIRE MORMON PRESIDENT YOU DESERVE.

(via animalstalkinginallcaps.tumblr.com)

In breaking news, I have successfully removed the safety latch from my 12th floor window so that I might better enjoy the view of the Sound and also, the sounds of the View. Also, I could now drop small mammals out of it as well. Not that I would, mind you, but I could.
Also, this is pretty delightful :

Though I'm not totally sold on the dark bands on the new kit, but whatever, TV could be wearing a Snuggie and the skipper's band and it would be fine. RVP and Song are gone, which again means the loss of a great song ("Alex Dimitri Sonnnng Billlllong") and, well; a tall Dutch goalscoring machine who admittedly deserves to win at least one trophy before he retires, having been jacked for pretty much everything else in his career. (Though a not-so-secret part of me does hope his chocolate leg makes an appearance for Fergie this year)
So far my fantasy team is tanking in points my hesitancy to choose Nasri in particular botched it for me. Little bastard, scoring in the first game. Ah well, I'll tweak it next week. I'm mid-table in all leagues.
Also, there's still Arshavin. Let the Russian pagehits continue!

new season

...and Fado, a mere 3 blocks away, shows the games live. And I have Saturdays off still. And, I can hear the Sounders' Supporters rally, beffore the March to the Match on Occidental, not to mention the singing and chants from the stadium itself. Kind of amazing. If I was in Islington, it'd be Arsenal chants. Might have new job already - though it's a bit early for me to leave this first spot, if the opportunity is better $-wise and doesn't involve me baking full time in production mode, it would mean working 8 blocks away, and I'd kind of dig that. Plus new place has medical and 401k and opportunities for other locations to be established. Sweet. Loving all the other downsizing in my life right now, less stuff, more feels. Really good. Happy the footy is back on too, and got my wireless hooked up with just hours to spare, woohoo! Back to more regular posting - relying on mobile for blogging isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Born on this day.

So, I get to pat myself on the back, as last fall I promised myself I would be in a new apartment, in downtown Seattle before my next birthday. I did it. By the skin of my teeth, but I did it. I moved up when I planned, I stayed with the brother as long as planned, got to fast track the youngest nephew into my world, got a kick ass job that looks already like its going to transition into an even more kick ass job, already! I mean, that always happens, but this time in less than 90 days?!? Wtf? I mean, it's in progress, I'll probably finish the year at this spot, but then it's off to secure my future, and work 10 blocks from home! Woot!
Also the visit from Dawny has been fantastic - we picked up where we left off, we had great fun, and she helped my slay a demon by fixing the Hopey tattoo. Not only was it sloppily done (because I was in a hurry and went to a guy I didn't know to do it) so didnt hold up well, getting all blotchy...but it's te time it represents. I got that tattoo the night before my first real date with SMRGE. That period, that season has passed...but I love Hopey, I love my history (even when it is appropriated by others. I know who I am, what I did, where I went and what I mean to people. You can glom on to it and repackage it as your own, but in the end, it's just more false bullshit) and I wanted to also memorialize Dawn and I reuniting, so I asked her to frame Hopey in her signature Victorian-y swirly black fine line filigree work. It's fucking beautiful. Changed the energy of the piece to what it should be: a celebration of my best friend, my life experiences, and my love of punk rock. It is no longer a sad stamp of a hasty decision. Best birthday since getting the invite to stage at Upstairs. Yay.

Affirmation: I am good.

for your ears...

sounds great at night, staring at the skyline. helps. heal. wounds:
alabama shakes at the Newport Folk Festival
Eight more flavors of awesome. Things change. Hold on.

Sometimes all it takes is a glimpse of something in the right place at an unexpected moment. This time, it was a mail truck coming out of a street onto Highway 9, which I had mistakenly decided to use as "the scenic route" today - and all of the sudden, in this area I grew up in, on the roads with no sidewalks (much less shoulders) with greenery that grows to your waist in all directions, even at the height of summer, during a day where there were thunderstorms while the sun shone I was hit with this intense feeling of nostalgia. Nostalgia for waiting for the mail to arrive.
It's weird, as I think about it, how important the mail has been in my life. When I first moved to Seattle from southern California with my family, I wrote letters to my best friend every week. I journaled incessently, and subscribed to Rolling Stone and Creem. Even when I was younger, and we moved from the suburbs to the ranch community in the hills outside of LA, I had a subscription to Tiger Beat and also Dynamite magazines, that I waited on with such anticipation. I read them over and over, memorizing all the latest news and cultural ephemera. When I began writing letters regularly, in junior high, I realized that much communication among punks and creative types was happening via letters and fanzines: which could be as simple as copied sheets of paper with photos taped on, loosely modeled on the newspaper layout I was learning in school in both junior and senior high schools (yes, AV and Paper Staff Photog nerd, that was my gig). I started responding to ads for pen pals in zines and magazines like Star Hits (yes...the '80s were a magical time of foppish brit-teen mags and skater 8x11's folded in half with one staple in the center). I lived for the mail to arrive, letters from friends, magazine transmissions that would link me to what was happening in music and politics, and even ordering things like records, sunglasses, everything I could. Every day I expected something, and knew what time (generally) the mail would come...in the summer, waiting patiently, tiptoeing in bare feel through the carport to see if the flag was down on the mail box yet (because usually I was sending something out into the world as well). I had a small thrill early in the days of MTV when I actually won a free xmas button bearing the simple M on a green background with the candy-cane "tv" logo - it was a prized badge that I wore constantly...until I gave it to a boy I liked, setting a tone for my romantic endeavors that still rings true to this day. Hey, Ty Moe, if yr out there, I want my badge back!
Anyway, as I drove I thought about how I don't look forward to mail much anymore - generally the only mail I'm happy to receive involves some sort of monetary exchange...I do love sending packages and letters though. I sent an awesome Valentine's package this year. Not that it mattered in the long run, but it was so fun to put together, and brought back that thrill of wanting to surprise someone special. Dawn, who I'll be seeing in a couple days, and I spent years sending packages and flyers and odd cards and found objects to each other. Darell and I would exchange multi-page letters every week - I remember vividly getting stressed if more days than normal passed before something arrived: was it lost? Being in a band, we booked whole tours, and did the bulk of promotion and communication via the mail. Interviews. Selling records, all of it.
I dunno where to go with this right at the moment, but I just had this intense feeling of pity for people who haven't known the joy of expecting mail. Of communication in that way, the lovely excitement of holding something in your hands that someone wrote, to you. Of their feelings on paper, to be read, and re-read. Art and trinkets to be shared, displayed, treasured. In this age of amazing technology, I miss the rush of expecting mail, of having something to look forward to...yeah. More soon maybe. I just will miss the USPS when it's gone. It's amazing that you can put a piece of cardboard that you've written a message to someone on into a box, and that it will travel around the world. Amazing. That sort of communication, that sort of connection seems archaic, I know, but it also seems so much more...what? Genuine? Not that I don't love the speed and ease of the internet and cellphones, etc, and am glad for the people it's brought back into my life...it also has taken some of the mystery away as well, some of the romance of sharing bits of yourself over time and growing close....its not better, its just different, and like so many things will merely be something I remember from my early life just like my parents remember when radios started becoming replaced by televisions. Only way, way faster.

Luckily, I have plenty of Supernatural to get through before this happens. Also, K2 coming in October! The hits just keep coming!

same as the first time....

“Growing up, you make all sorts of rules and morals for yourself that are based on arbitrary concepts and assumptions, but not on real experience. All these rigid ideas about how to live, the way relationships should be, the way the world works. Especially when you grow up punk. Then experience comes along to make mincemeat out of your morals. Everything does not fit into your pre-packaged plan. Everything you rallied and preached against now seems sort of warm and cuddly.”

—

From Cometbus #41 (1997)

can't help it; makes smiles.

THE SUBLIME BEAUTY OF THE NATURAL WORLD IS FUCKING OBNOXIOUS.

via

daily events prompt no response from populace....still.

current feels

i see london...

I'm not a big fan of the Olympics, as it seems very forced and farcical given the hostilities around the world and the fact that for two weeks everyone pretends to get along, for the sake of sports (?) - though it does provide some diversion and of course this year i recognize some of the soccer players in all the different national team's names, but sorting through the ephemera of news-y stuff, i found this (2nd of two parts) bit of video about the bell built for the opening ceremonies, which is the largest harmonically tuned bell ever built...pretty frigging cool:

So, in the industry, it's known as "in the weeds"; for me, it was wigging out, full-on, channeling some serious evil CG mojo, because every time GMB joked about not burning a pizza...i inevitably did. And then, I swear he was calling tickets willy nilly and changing his mind, but you can't challenge a chef mid-service, so i just put my head down and plowed through. Horrible, horrendous night. I have grown to really hate Thursdays following He Who Is Supposed To Be Fired. Yeah. I was behind the 8-ball to start with, and it just got worse when GMB got pissy. Anyway, the beauty is that eventually, I get to close the station, have my beer and shot, commisserate with Nathalie, (and, it turns out, Xavier, who chatted a bit about Ashley which was funny and nice, and the back rub was appreciated as well :) and then going home listening to KEXP, where they were playing "In A Big Country", which made me smile like crazy. Goddamn, I love this town.

Not that I was a huge Big Country fan or anything, but that song is so evocative of my formative years in this town, and having been in contact with the OK Hotel about renting a place there, and telling them how much living there would mean to me...I dunno, I just couldn't stop smiling, all the way home. What a fun song. 4 minutes home, how great is that? And soon, no more driving...I hope. Unless the buses are really sketchy. Gonna try it out next week, but I needed to be in early today. So. Yeah. That.

 

weds night meet up

with charles and lia, sushi, new spot on the Hill that I wasn't stoked about. Meh. Back to Ha Na for me. Strolled around though, such a beautiful night, the three musketeers back in business, stopped at the new place that sells premade local stuff and has a big grass cow in front (photo ops! sent immediately to SF!) and as we were walking back we ran into Todd and Fisher, so that was nice too - catching up and laughing.
More later, certainly. Bummed I just found out about Ok Hotel being available to live in now...but maybe next year or something...we'll see, though i'd really not have to move again for a while.

and this.

Ok, so I had to get blindingly drunk, crash at Sous Matt's house, and drive home this afternoon to find my recipe book lying on the floorboard of my car, behind the passenger seat. WTF, Universe? I tore that car apart (or thought I did) a week ago, and then, when I finally behave in a (somewhat moderately) responsible behavior (for a change) - it comes back to me.
I'll take it. Horrendously hungover though it is my day off....yeah.

blogging is for this.

WHAT ARE YOU? ARE YOU COFFEE?

DON’T TALK TO ME IF YOU’RE NOT COFFEE.

NO, I MEAN IT. GO BECOME COFFEE OR FUCK OFF.

(animalstalkinginallcaps.tumblr.com)

in another example of the universe having a go at me, i seem to have lost my notebook - the one that has 8 years worth of recipes, ideas and notes in it. The closest thing i have to a bible. I wasn't even drunk. I merely put too much stuff in my poorly-packed bag and apparently it fell out either between the restaurant and the car (literally, 500 feet) or the car and the apartment (about 1/4 of a block). I am heartbroken. Luckily, it's not only a feeling I am familiar with but also one i have tools to deal with now.
The Chelsea match was fun - I wore my Arsenal kit (I saw 3 others in Arsenal gear, one Liverpool kit, and several Barca shirts among the SEA of Chelsea kits, which was shocking) and was told "You are really brave!" and then a couple of high-fives (the anti-chelsea contingent!) and a couple of guys in the beer garden even gave me a "C'mon Arsenal" (which, while it sounds like a dig, is actually a chant we do when we are down or on the backfoot mid-match) which totally made me smile. The sis-in-laws friends were nice and the seats were great. It really, really, really makes me pine to see my Gunners live - you really can see everything, and hear them too.
Met up with Charles pre-match, and got in trouble with his *wife* who told us to "go play outside" the store, since we were just hanging out in the back area chatting while Charles painted the walls and did his magic genie remodel thing.

After the game, headed to West Seattle for movie night. Tried to watch a Liam Nieeson movie, but ended up  with the Winchester boys in the background, after i got a scolding for watching episodes out of order (can't mess with the canon, I should know that as a Whovian:). He also told me about a show he's (finally) playing in Stanwood, showed me his new bike (not a euphanism) and of course, videos of the kid and the usual etc.

annnnnd....

Rob, Boy DC Drummer is going to visit in September!!! Stoked! He and I got along really well, and he hung in through the toughest times; did the full US Tour and the 2nd Eurodisastour with the Norwegians, so when we got in touch a year or two ago, we spent an easy 3 hours on the phone the next day. He brews beer for a living now, and is coming to Washington to go to a hops festival in Yakima, which is cool. Holy crap, this is amazing. My life is unfolding in ways I hadn't imagined. I thought all these people were lost to the mists of time! Plus, my new pals like me too! People love the food I make. Had a woman make a point of coming to my station to compliment the calzones. And bought me a glass of wine. Totally awesome. i get lots of dessert kudos, but that was particularly fun one being for savory stuff, and  because of the rep the calzones have, especially between Candance (my favorite of our bartenders) and I...we got caught snickering, but saved the situation, and turned it into a free drink for me, and a great tip for her. GO GirlPower! Yeah, and she and I had a spirited conversation (about boys, of course) tonight after closing. I work with some awesome folks this time around. Happy. 3 days to new digs. YES. But tomorrow: Chelsea vs. Sounders. Woot!

Mom and brother had a great time, loved their food (halibut with beans and gnocci for her, buccatini for him plus antipasti, the roasted green beans, duck pizza and dessert sampler), sat at my station, and it was awesome, until we got hit hard and then I had to focus. But still, so great to make people I love feel good.All the servers were awesome ("Your family is so nice!" was the consensus) to them (they had a rough night otherwise) and yeah, I picked a good place to work. So stoked. Sous Matt was so sweet and complimentary when he spoke to them, and I even introduced them to Claudio, the backbone who makes our pasta, cheese and crackers, and does the dishes, yet rarely gets any kudos. It was fun.
Also, got the request to come to West Seattle, but ultimately, the wear and tear of the WestSeattleFest kept us on the down-low, but it's ok. There are plenty of episodes to watch :)
(Tomorrow is actually better for me anyway).

Never get tired of homes with these lying in wait....can't see the headstock that has an odd tuning key because apparently this special issue model is especially hard to replace parts for...nonetheless, pretty lovely, and chicks dig scars :)
Also, looking forward to service tonight - Mom and Scott are headed down to the restaurant - can't wait for them to see my new digs....as they were also visitors to Lantana as well (though not together, which was pretty cool too) so they have some context. The big leap will be when Mark & Co show up, as I trust he will hit it off with Mike The Owner like crazy, but tonight is for the A Team!

working on it

Happy birthday Woody, and thanks.

Also, am oddly in the midst of a Supernatural binge...which is convenient and was instigated by movie night at SG's. So geeky, but also scary, and I generally don't go in for that sort of stuff (the scary/spooky stuff, I think my geek quotient is well documented), but it's so well written...and seven seasons to plow through! Excellent reason to restart the Netflix sub....it's always interesting the shows that end up being codas to certain phases of transition. Demon purging and moving to downtown Seattle, delightful!

good point

"Daily affirmation: Be positive, not delusional." - Jon Armstrong (Blurbomat)

.

Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm - WINSTON CHURCHILL

Finally, words to live by.

yup.

"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be." - Kurt Vonnegut

2008 les paul, sunburst...and the acoustic...both sitting in the living room. He played them both, and right then, shivers down my spine that lasted all night....
So geeky, so musical, so...yeah. Fun. Am having fun...still hard to process sometimes, but I'm working on it. Heh, I can call him SG. Perfect.

Huh. So SingerGuy (and for the record, he's a guitar guy too, but to differentiate, he is a most talented vocal/lyracist as well) might be A Thing. After 15 fucking years. Go figure. Or maybe I just needed to see the forest for the trees. Or, moreover, get over being so scared. I pulled the trigger, and may have hit a bullseye that I didn't even think was in my range! Go me!

I find the ability people have to switch on and off their emotions phenomenal. I am envious of those who can switch gears so easily, to use the word "love" so easily, to let another's feelings mean nothing to them so easily. What must it be like to go though life telling people you love them, and then, so easily, telling another that you love them, as well? To have people fall at your feet, to think that you are so witty, and wise? What must that be like? Because, me? I don't and will never, understand being told that I am loved and then, told that I am not. For no reason of my own doing. Nothing I can work on, nothing I can fix.

Dog sitting for GMB, and it's a groovy house, good dogs, and an object lesson in looking behind the curtain. Kitchen is a shocking disaster, and when I have ever been fearful of my own tidiness - I actually am not nearly the slacker I think I am. Also confirmed Dawn's visit in August - which is really exciting - it has literally been 15 years since I've seen her...plus it's my birthday weekend, and I'll be in my new digs, so it's all very groovy, as Karen would say. Hanging out tonight - enjoying the wonders of satellite tv again, a cool little house that reminds me a bit of one we stayed at in Denmark with the steep staircase and oddly located loo off the kitchen :) Chinese food delivered, dogs dozing, made call to confirm meetup with new arsenal pals tomorrow to watch euro final before work....so not a bad Saturday, all in all. Tomorrow, running the pbj roulade again, lemon-basil sorbet, chai ice cream and pink peppercorn-cherry ice creams. Not sure about daily pie - we'll see what veg is left when I get in...also, gonna take a break from the liquor for a bit...just to kind of kick my metabolism up a notch...been making steady progress, but I know just cutting out that will kill an easy 10lbs in a week...

Woohoo! deep in the heart of Douchebagland tonight! but kind of cool, in that i'm pretty sure i cemented my connection with owner Michael tonight, so there's that (because BarMat and his ridiculous girl who thought it was funny to laugh at me, got fucking OWNED; and I went after hours with them, which is odd, but hot guy with dreads giving me the "Yikes! Good luck with THAT" signal was fun).
I made their pizzas. it's what it comes down to.
love this job. this town has it's pros and cons, but ultimately, is full of people I love, so: I love it. I love every opportunity to engage. I like them. AndI have no need to broadcast my world (other than maybe the occasional Arsenal thing, or menu thing) to anyone else. Documenting for myself is what i have always done, and will continue to do. If you dig me, cool. If you don't: your loss. Seriously. YOUR LOSS. again. I'm not playing around. This is my life, and I am midway through it.. I know what I love, and what I will fight for. I am worth it. As SingerGuy said: "so totally worth all the wait".
As GMB said: "You are: smart, funny and so talented: he's an idiot."
Yeah. i know I'm not gorgeous, but ultimately, we all age, we all become not beautiful, so in the end, if you are awesome, isn't that enough? Sometimes, people tell you that it is, but their actions speak otherwise. So,  you know, go with your gut.If it says yes, try. If it doesn't work - try something else. Keep trying on shoes until you find one that fits. But stop trying to shove bullshit on your feet that clearly DO NOT FIT.
Also, I'm pretty sure our bucatini is the only pasta i want to eat: EVER. Holy shit: Italy.

Spent the evening with Charles last night - so very lovely to see him, even though his partner behaved like a ridiculous, spoiled, jealous 14-year old. It was so good to be with my best pal again. When we were young and goofy we made a promise to each other that we were each other's get out of jail free card. It was as if the ensuing 15 years was just a blip. It was so fantastic...and enlightening, and oddly, in the end empowering. We have a history now, have discovered so much about ourselves, to be able to spend time in his presence again is awesome. Also, strolling around his hood, looking for my lost phone (which we found where I made a quick pit stop) just talking, so easy so natural. I have so much love for my big bearded, insanely talented pal. His quick sweet kiss goodnight, totally unexpected and delightful,  floored me. So much to think about. Need to find a place to live in the city, because there is so much living to do, friends to support and help as they have helped me. Now, a nap before work.

meet and greet

Just keep running into interesting people....note to self, that's Johnny playing keyboards and guitar. Also, need to confirm that song was on that British show I was so fond of last year....yeah. Good. I cannot state more emphatically how at home I feel in this city. I love it, poseurs and douchebags and tourists and Amazonians, those things don't matter because the heart, the soul is there, if you look for it. The thing about people is, they are so quick to judge, to determine people's worth. You need to give people a chance to prove themselves. Not all is what it seems. Johnny is awesome, I enjoy the shit out of him. So it's nice that his band didn't suck. Seattle. No joke. This is where I live. LIVE. This is where shit really happens. Though, to be fair, DC kept me busy too :)

yeah, Boosh is the Best too. Oh, the Arsenal Off Season leads to waaaaay too much YouTube rambles.

the. best. ever.

Long-lost 4-song ep, two songs by each band and this one is....perfect. .
Though, all they left behind was epic in it's brilliance...and a soundtrack for me, forever.

Hi! yeah, me and SingerGuy, because, well...I can, and it is without drama right now, which is all I want. So...I made the trek to West Seattle last night and we made good on a long-held anticipation. Fun, good, relaxing, though it meant i wasn't 100% for Friday service, but YOUKNOWWHAT? Fuck it, life is short, and I don't get a hell of a lot of joy lately, so, if a guy, whose music I adore wants to....uhm, ...watch movies with me after I'm done with work, what am I supposed to say? I don't dig that you dig me? Also, he's got a kid -only 2 though, and not full time; so whole other ballgame, but...ok, enough, but just for the record. i like where i am, even when i spend after-hours with douche bartenders trying to bed twentysomething girls, as i finish my shift drinks, the day after.
She hugged me more than you! I am becoming Joyce, which is, to be honest, pretty fucking cool in and of itself. I have merit. My life is filled with so many wonderful, amazing people, I am lucky for that. Very lucky, and very, very grateful.

for later

just a footnote: my job is so frigging incredible, and i am so amazingly happy that i recognize it right now, for a change, rather than in retrospect. this is what i'm supposed to do. always. it's so incredibly calming to know that. this is what i am good at. people enjoy what i do. that's so huge. in this world, where so very, very much sucks, to be able to give someone, even for just a few moments, a simple, human FEEL - I'm just so pleased to be able to share with people again, to be in the dining room, watching people love what i do, and not know that it was me who did it (desserts, obviously, if they are facing the right direction they will see me make their salad, pizza, antipasti or oysters)...it's just fantastic. A lot of times it's special occasions, and people are making memories...i dunno, it is so hard to be comfortable liking myself sometimes...but dammit, this time, doing the cheesecake, knowing it was a runner, but having it play out (apparently a guy came in 3 days in a row for it, though when he was in on Thursday, we didn't know he would be an addict!) live is soooooo, awesome. Argh. So good. I feel so content, and that is not a word I have ever used to describe myself, but right now, it all seems to FIT.
*sigh*

I made waffles for my brother and his family for fathers day. I texted my ex to wish him a non-aggressive happy father's day (i thought) i went to work. work was, as always, awesome. apparently it was a weekend where the cheesecake was on fire, so everyone was all aflutter, yeah, sadly the walk in fan broke so it was ugly for those of us in the kitchen, but ego wise, cool. i dunno. i have no feels rigth now. just work.

and Thursdays are....

Weird - work Sunday through Tuesdays, off Weds, and then back for Thursday, and then off for Friday Saturday, which is, to be fair; a pretty awesome schedule. What would be even better, is if my days back from being gone didn't follow HWSBF's days in pantry, because, he sucks. He's lazy, and apparently a little dim. Also, shades of Fernando in just the overall disaster the station is left in. When I follow Anita, on Sundays, everything is like I leave it, stocked, ready to go, a coherent list of prep. After Him, it's horrendous. But, I have high expectations of those I work with, so GMB had to really, really push me to get me to make a list of the bullshit.
Because, I'm not the first to notice it. Anita made a point of telling me she has the same issues with him.
Whatever. The flip side is that my food is pure awesome, and when I have my station ready, there is nothing I cannot do. Though I was running the pizza oven at 600 degrees tonight, so I toasted a couple of them while doing desserts. Kind of got a little out of control tonight though, trying to tie up all the loose ends. And some late tables made me a bit cranky towards the end, so I didn't hang out tonight & chat with BarMat - I was just a bit too whipped, to be honest. He didn't offer a 2nd beer, and I didn't ask. Home to sleep, cause I have a boatload of stuff to do tomorrow.
Timing is still being worked out at work though. What I really appreciate, is that GMB makes a point to say "Good work" before he leaves at night, at least to me, pretty much every shift - that little shit matters. Appreciation matters. I knocked out a shitload of prep, both baking and savory today - and all my plates tonight (including some special stuff for the food tour group) looked stellar, and tasted fantastic, cheesecake is selling like crazy - 3 to go orders!. I asked if I could come in early on Sundays to do more dessert prep, and Garrett said he'd work on getting me a key. And then, and the end of service he sidles up to me and says "So; I have foie scraps: pate, or sauce?" And I, being the one who plates antipasti, and likes to have cool toys says:"Pate" then I hedge "But, I do have a that book about foie, and it has a recipe for foie oreos that I've always wanted to try" and he gets nose-to-nose with me and says "Ahhh, s'mores! Your graham crackers, a foie fluff....and..." I suggest a fruit jam & chocolate shavings...and he's like "YES. You are in again, when? Tuesday? Let's do that then, I'll put the foie in the freezer tonight."
Yeah, that's the ticket. That's what I want to do: cool stuff. This shit is going to be awesome, and once I live downtown...well, it will be perfect, so tired of driving home already. I am so stoked right now, feeling really motivated, creative and just present. So completely different from being in SF. Similar to being in good restos in Fresno, but without that CG-based angst, so...yeah, really amazing emotions flowing in this realm. Can't wait to get my gear out of storage and really hit the gas pedal on all of this. So many options. He has not said no to any ideas I've proffered so far (other than the bittersweet chocolate espresso cake, but i suspect i can bump his weak torte eventually, I'll make one, feed it to everyone, and that will be that).
Also, he asked me to dog/house-sit at the end of the month for he and his wife. Awesome! 2 dogs, house in Greenwood, 3 days. Sweet! Looking forward to it. I dig house sitting. A yard with a bbq, a deck, and two dogs?? Yay!

knowing is half the battle

  

yes, yes, yes.

just another wedensday.

 Started the day off watching Germany beat Holland in the 2nd game of the first round of the Euros. Even less fun watching the Orange lose this time to the Germans, though, Podolski, our newest acquisition is having a great tournament - here's hoping he stays in form for club play. I'm really stoked to find a pub to watch if my schedule stays the same - looking to make new Gunner pals, definitely!
A bit of apartment hunting, visit to the storage space to retrieve some more clothes, a kitchen timer and some other miscellaneous stuff, dinner at Hana, finally. It was, as Todd said "the same as ever" casual, quality, and affordable. Did a little stroll down Broadway, noting all the changes....still processing it all - had a side trip through Lake City, and was kind of astounded to find a Mini dealership there, among all the other new stuff, and also, the old venerable Italian place is gone, though Ming's is still alive and...well, still alive. Even just driving around, there is something so comforting about all the green, the trees, the residential neighborhoods with no sidewalks...yeah, I'm weird. Anyway, there seem to be a lot of options, living wise, so now it's just a matter of piling up first, last and deposit.

interactions with humans...

Tonight, after watching GMB almost cough up a lung on the line (I gave him my entire stash of Ricola cough drops, cause i know how hideous that bug is...) and finishing a pretty sedate night (got a lot of shit done, actually, which was cool. Best part:MB trying my coffee ice cream and going "Holy shit, that's amazing! Is that my recipe?" and, i of course had to tell him it was mine. RIGHT? Yeah. Also had pizzas dialed in like crazy tonight, which was awesome as well. I was finishing my shift beer when BarMatt (The Other Matt) engaged me in conversation, and plied me with beers...so I hung out. THIS is why it's good to work in a live restaurant. People to talk to. We had a spirited debate about the future of humankind, global policy, apartheid (!) and my political activism vs. his perceived activism. Interesting, and, ultimately we agreed on many things. Interesting cat, and, he pegged me at 40. Weird. I guess it's just that youthful exuberance? Yeah, something like that. Good dude though. I really love where I work. And they seem to dig me, so, you know, awesome. It's also interesting GMB and I have a really similar upbringing - same kid's shows, same cereals, same weird offhanded remarks, plus a really good conversation about food, every time. It's a shame he can't keep his hands off his phone on the line. CG would fucking DESTROY him. But, whatever. It's good fun, and tonight, my pizzas all ruled. So good. Did a roasted potato, blue cheese, other cheese, smoked proscuito, and shallot pie, and it sold like crazy and I even made GMB one and he loved it! Validation again! (I'm so simple, but it's like any craft, I guess) also, I did a hibiscus/grapefruit sorbet, but didn't run it tonight...maybe Thursday...yeah.

“ARE NOT THE THOUGHTS OF THE DYING OFTEN TURNED TOWARD THE PRACTICAL, PAINFUL, OBSCURE, VISCERAL ASPECT? TOWARD THE SEAMY SIDE OF DEATH WHICH IS, AS IT HAPPENS, THE SIDE THAT DEATH ACTUALLY PRESENTS TO THEM AND FORCES THEM TO FEEL, AND WHICH FAR MORE CLOSELY RESEMBLES A CRUSHING BURDEN, A DIFFICULTY IN BREATHING, A DESTROYING THIRST, THAN THE ABSTRACT IDEA TO WHICH WE ARE ACCUSTOMED TO GIVE THE NAME OF DEATH?”
… Danny, what the hell?
I’M SORRY. I MEANT “THANK YOU, THIS IS A WONDERFUL PARTY.”

(from animalstalkinginallcaps)

monday is the new friday...

got our asses kicked tonight at work, totally crazy busy, and just me and TMTM on the line, but we made it through, and celebrated with a delightful mojito and then beers. Lots of really constructive conversation, so it's feeling good....next: find place to live in city, or on seriously direct busline. Ideally, the first. That adventure starts at the beginning of next month. Yay.
Missing Scraps in weird, jagged pangs today. Dunno where it comes from sometimes, but still wrecks me....

Nephewpalooza and the aftermath...

Yeah, I earned my frigging Cool Aunt Wings this weekend. Unless you are Nephew #1 (let's go with N1, and this is totally based on birth order, not preference, which will become clear shortly) who is probably a bit pissed at me. However, to be honest: he was a jerk. And, since he's only 11.75, I'm gonna do all in my power to make sure he doesn't arrive at seventh grade a complete prick. So...you know, suck it up, kiddo.
Yeah. The 4 year old and I had a delightful day, until he renigged on his promise to clean the toys up off the floor in his room for and additional 5 minutes of computer time (I could have told him that was a bad deal, but, hell, he's 4, he has no conception of minutes at this point...gotta enjoy it before he starts bargaining in half-hour blocks) and we had to have a little "stop hyperventilating about having to do what you said you'd do. I'm not mad. But you made a deal, and now you are breaking it" (his dad uses the term "deal" so I went with it. Fucking hippies. Between that and the older brother who is paying the price for "We don't say "no" to him, because it hurts his feelings" I am on fire right now as all the chickens come home to roost at once.
Ultimately Nephew #3 (again, birth order, not preference) calmed down and told me he needed help. I said, that was perfectly ok, he just needed to TELL ME that, and not scream like an injured badger. So, he asked for help, and we cleaned his room, and no tears were shed. And I got to tell him it was ok to ask for help, that I wasn't mad at him, which, for those of us going through YEARS of THERAPY; is helpful to hear WHEN YOU ARE 3. It's a real hassle when you are 43.
Ah, yeah. So there's that. Otherwise, it was awesome, we made banana bread, played robot wars, sword fight, and built legos. We watched classic Disney (because I will not abide by the ne pap Disney nonsense. Give me Pluto chasing Chip 'n Dale, or give me nothing!), and ultimately, the Germany vs. Portugal game of the first round of the Euros, in which of course N3 took Portugal as his team (I know, that Ronaldo, he's a doll), but ultimately he got bored, and his parents came home, and I showered and headed to Round #2: the Moto Boys.
Argh. I did this thing where I said I'd sit in exchange for a haircut from their mom, who used to cut my hair. I apparently forgot how half assed she is about it, not much change in style. Anyway. N1 was monoploizing the conversation, mostly about his most current (and most damaging) injury to his arm. He cut nerves this time, if he jacks up recovery, he could lose the use of half his right hand. Brilliant. I won't even go into how stupid the antics were that led to this, but will say he wasn't racing. Ultimately though, the night started well, we trolled cable looking for a movie to watch, the boys bickered a bit, I made pizza and salad from scratch (they don't get actual cooking much). We played poker (5 card draw, blackjack, and something they referred to as "indian poker") ultimately, N1 won more than N2 and I, but whatever, it's just a game, and we all had a good time. The computer beckoned, ultimately, and N2 went up to play, and N1 with his damaged arm, can't really play full speed, so he was just in there, dinking around. When I went up, he was perusing his father's yearbooks....which was odd, and...I'll detail offline. But suffice to say: probably not awesome to let your 11 year old son read your yearbook. Generally. But especially if you had a paranoid, clingy girlfriend.
Anyway, somehow, ultimately a random comment about facebook got N1 fired up and he started using his i-Touch to take crap photos of me and calling me names, and saying he would post them on facebook. So I shut the night down (we were about an hour from designated bedtime anyway) and took N2 downstairs, leaving N1 to sit in his finely appointed room (i-touch/internet/dvd player) alone. Me and N2, who immediately crowed "I've been waiting for this all night, when N1 gets in trouble" (!) and I popped some corn, watched some horrible show called i-Carley, and then used a kit he had to make bubble gum (watermelon mint, for those wondering.....) and then I put him to bed as well.
It was a long night, but I ended it with a delightful cocktail and watching my beloved Arsenal on the big (seriously big, like 72" of big) screen, as FSC replayed a champs league game from early in the season at midnight.
That's right, my brother and his wife, who were suppposed to be home "around 10" rolled in at 1a.m..
He was shocked I was still awake; and I was all: do you know what I do for a living? At all?
But I didn't say that, cause what's the point.
Anyway, and then today, show up at work at 2pm, ready to do a shitload of prep, especially desserts, and no one is at the restaurant. No one shows up until 3:30.
So angry. But it was mitigated by TMTM pulling me from pantry prep and just having me do desserts, and then when my pals Debra and Lisa came in (and they brought another friend, woot!) I sent out apps, a pizza, they bought entrees, and I sent a dessert sampler. Got to visit the table a couple of times and it was awesome. So good to have people in, I have missed that so much. The rest of the night was a mess, having the Guy Who Should Be Fired still there is annoying, but, you know, whatever. I've been through this before, so I can certainly do it again. The ladies loved their dinner, and I had a decent night. Tomorrow will be way better. TMTM is awesome, and I always look forward to working with him. I got to meet his wife last week, and she's rad, so it's nice to have the circle expand. I dunno. Just take each day as it comes, really...but so happy to like my job again - though the lack of space fucking pisses me off from a dessert perspective, but y'now, whatever, I'll adapt, it just takes time to figure out how to make the space work.
yeah. and I got to listen to Riz on the way home. Dammit, I love this town. Gun-toting freaks be damned.

creme and sugar, personified

What is amazing sometimes, is how if you envision something you can make it happen. Now, I have yet to work this mojo with places to live, but with jobs? dammit. i made toasted farro ice cream today - his idea, my manipulation of ingredients, and it is pure awesome. THAT IS WHAT I HAVE WANTED.  A  fucking chef who says "hey, what about THIS?" and I say "ok" and make it awesome.
Fuck reprographics. Seriously. Yes, the hours are hard, and the cleaning is continual, but dammit, tonight, as a guy sat at my station and watched a chessecake go out and went ""Wow, that looks amazing, I'll have that" and then proceeded to text his girlfriend to show her? Yeah. I love that shit. Dunno, maybe it's the failed actor or director in me, but, goddmmit, i love when people go "Wow" and this isn't even the best iteration.
The GMB ate the buttermilk panna cotta I made, and wolfed it fucking down."That is incredible. I could eat the shit out of that" sooooo, clearly his palate leans towards the creme...good to know, cause that, thanks to CG is my forte. Though, I'm aching to do a caramel thing....anyway, still working on timing, but it's coming.
I love this city, but cannot wait to be close enough to use public transport. You fuckers drive like idiots. Holy shit. And the rain, STILL only makes it worse WTF Seattle? Jesus. I will say this, at least Californians know how to merge. Grrrr. Just a couple more weeks. Got some good leads, so will be looking into them shortly. Foot of Capitol Hill, I swear, but am seriously gonna take a look at the building Dawn and I were in so many years ago....they are renting and appear to be independant....so, fingers crossed and stuff.

night moves

It ended up being four for dinner last night - the Q's came too - and my face hurts from all the smiling and laughing - got to see their lovely office, on 12th, and visit with their delightful dog Fisher, an Aussie mix who's 13 now, but getting long quite well, if a little grey in the muzzle :)
When Ms Q asked where I was living and I said I'd be doing that next month, she grabbed my arm and was all "You have to move close to us!!" which would be awesome, but...they live on the Hill. North Cap, but still...sigh. Just don't think I could take that much hipster on a daily basis. We'll see.
Also, Saturday, went down to the Off Ramp (it's called El Corazon now, but it will forever be the Off Ramp to me, no matter what sign they hang or color they paint shit) to see KevSecs, and a few others play an all ages show. One of the other performers was Tim from the band Avail, who I hadn't seen in years - they were from Virginia, and we had played several times with them. It was fun, I got a chance to say hi once again to one of my favorite musicians, congratulate him on his van acquisition (he did a Kickstarter thing to raise money, and has been touring the shit out of the US ever since) and have a great, low-impact night.The all ages thing though - really amazing to be around that energy again, they don't seem as jaded as their 20-something big brothers, not as negative either...dare i say, a bit smarter? Dunno. Small, specialized sample in that room, certainly.

I am so happy to be back in a restaurant where when a regular customer mentions that he loves foie gras, and is bringing guests, GMB does an app. It wasn't the best, or most creative app i've ever seen (I even had a moment, where I got to regale him with tales of the foie gras sundaes, and literally, he leaned into me in disbelief. Pure fucking aweome), but sooooo good to be in this space. I feel like...damn I don't even have words right now...also, my very, very dear old pal Dawn, from Chicago is gonna come to town, and we are gonna hang out! She's gonna crash with me (just even more incentive to find an awesome spot) and I will get a tattoo that will fix the original Hopey one (which is getting blurry, and bothersome)....so stoked. Yeah. That's really all - I was going to pontificate about lackluster servers, and the heat of service (we were crazy busy tonight, but it was fun - even though I'm totalled right now), but mostly, I just want to sleep well, dream big, and have a good day tomorrow off - seeing Lia for sushi at some point, and beyond that? We'll see.

ephemera...

Just some random notes...great night tonight - just me andThe Matt that Matters (TMM) on the line, we got hit with a lot of tables, and everything went according to plan. Northwest debut of the CFC with apricots and red raspberry/red wine redueaux; hit with staff, but incompetent servers couldn't sell. What I wouldn't give to have Craig and Gena in this house. Hopefully, maybe Johnny will be on board tomorrow and he will be able to do it justice. Later, GMB came in on his day off, and while he refused to frigging try the CFC, he was willing to look at a photo. He'll look longingly at it tomorrow before I get there, surely :) He also made a point to give me kudos for my personal dinner pizza I was making, and also to take me aside, and...well, tell me how fucking awesome I am. Apparently, everyone has good things to say about me.
The reality: acting like a responsible adult goes a long way in this industry. Just saying. But....I have some love-based skillz.
Finally, another Kinko's alumni who has undergone some crucial change has made contact, and here's the thing about being back in my Town: my friends here are so varied, so diverse, so fucking talented. It's amazing to be back in their universe. I think I had a hard time in California thinking I had failed, based on choices I had made, but the reality is: my life is my own. What I have chosen is where I am. And you know what? I'm not ashamed. I am not sad. I love what I do, where I am, and who I know. Need to find place to live, but probably not until mid-July, tho as I keep plying my sister in law with desserts, my nephew with playing French and robot wars, and my brother with esoteric discussions about genetics and stuff, I should be fine. Schedule works great, and looks like I might actually get to see Chelsea play - it's not my Gunners but it's something....Euro-wise, Ireland and Croatia play on Sunday, at 11:30am...wonder if there are any IRE fans who'd be willing to hit a pub (George & Dragon are showing it live at 11:30am) before noon - I wouldn't have to be at work until 2:30...so it could be perfect....I mean, I couldn't have many beers, but maybe one would be ok...;) Plus, the Euros! Supposed to be way better matches than the World Cup, and I even enjoyed listening to those matches on the radio - stoked for the summer!

IF YOU STOP PLAYING HORRIBLE ACOUSTIC VERSIONS OF MODERN TOP 40 HITS I WILL LITERALLY GIVE YOU ALL THE MONEY I HAVE IN THE WORLD.
IT MEANS THAT MUCH TO ME.
PLEASE.

(from http://animalstalkinginallcaps.tumblr.com/)

Current schedule at new awesome job: Friday, Saturday, and Wednesday off!! Do you know how amazing that will be if it is still in place when Arsenal season starts?? So great. I will be closer to some pub, somewhere, to watch the games as intended, with other Gooners. Also, still working on maybe seeing Chelsea play Sounders in July. Miss my bi-polar footy boys already, hope they all have a safe Euro 2012.

funny cause it's true?

Oh, ok, You Tube, you win. Holy crap. Uncle.

another state of mind

Yep. This. Minchin is my hero. Again.There is something so punk rock about the way he approaches the piano, and then the intelligence and wit....dreamy :)
Tonight, GMB asked me to specifically to give him some new dessert ideas. Gonna bust out the creme fraiche cheesecake (which will grate CG's chain no end, should he happen to make contact again or react to the inevitable post I will do to document the PNW debut of my signature dessert) and also do a modified version of Tuscan Cannoli, and that is just the start...gallettes follow, and ice creams are on it as well....but seriously? Cannot believe how perfect this will be, once I get used to being actually busy (3 pizzas on a ticket? plus calzone trio? fuck you, bar menu :)
It's hard to describe how different I feel being in a place I love (and I don't just mean the restaurant, I mean this town, mindless random shootings notwithstanding) doing what I love, what I'm genuinely passionate about. Both GMB and TheOtherMatt are great to work with, and seem like they will happily trade ideas and techniques. GMB was all stoked and eyes glittery when I told him I made my own graham crackers - and I was equally taken with learning to roll and cut ravioli on Tuesday. I love learning new stuff, and most especially food oriented new stuff.
There's been a wave of grief for some of my pals losing a parent; first Karen, then Smitty and now it appears Lia's father is not doing well, and has gone into hospice - it's interesting how you get these cycles, and as much as I hate to welcome any more members into the Dead Parent Club, it's actually kind of centering to have gone through the process already, and to have an understanding for what your friends might be feeling.
One the flip side of that, are other phases people go through (now that I seem to be well past the wedding and baby shower phases, whew) with a spike of people in my life now with 3 and 4 year olds, (GMB has one, the nephew, drl, Balto Rob, etc) and then an interesting wave of people who had kids back in the day when I could (should?) have, who are now graduating high school (smrge, Tory, etc). Circle of Life, and all that.
 Hopefully, the words will come soon...

Want

http://laughingsquid.com/mixtape-a-cassette-tape-table-handcrafted-from-reclaimed-wood/

in other news...

What's really weird, is how ok everything has been. It's like I was meant to be here. Even now, as I listen to old Detonators songs (holy crap, "When you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything" just, epically, rocks. No wonder I was so willing to drive that AstroVan to the end of the Earth for those guys) and I drive home from a 12 hour shift at a job I quite admittedly love, (how great is that, I'm pretty sure it hasn't felt like that since early days of Lantana) even though it is, very possibly, the most physically taxing I've ever had - but dammit, I love it when I hear tables go "wow"; even if it's not my dish - I love that I'm on the same damn team with people who also make people go "wow".
I genuinely feel that, and want to always remember it, in case there comes a time when I can't remember that I made it through, that I'm ok with what happens as you work at love, when you go ahead and follow your heart even though sometimes the results aren't what you expect. I'm not going to stop loving, because it's worth it. The pain and the joy. It's all life is, really. Pain and joy. That in between nonsense? That is quite clearly limbo, and I don't want any part of it. Period. I will take each day as it happens. I will enjoy each moment that is given, and if the moments are painful, I will work to learn and move through it.
So, then, this: Mom and I swung by Dad's gravesite on Saturday. I hadn't been in quite a while. It wasn't clear how long it had been until we got there, and I saw that the tree next to him that was just a sapling the last 2 times I'd been there was now a fucking serious, real, TREE. Yikes. There were all sorts of new housing tracts and development in the area, but to be honest, that hasn't really fazed me. But that fucking tree? Holy shit. Time and trees is serious business, and there is no greater indicator of time passing than the transformation of a little sapling into an actual tree.
Yeah. Also, that 4 year old (well, he'll be 4 next month, so we might as well get used to saying it) is quite a wonder. He's taken a liking to the "Learn French" app on my i-phone. He and i play it together almost every day i see him. It's awesome; he crawls into my lap, and says "let's play the French game" and we proceed to play word games to learn french. awesome. then we play robot wars. or guns. or crazy8s...it's all quite good. The other nephews, who i don't see as much, are ok, though the oldest just nearly lopped off his right arm, and he wasn't even racing, he was dicking around with the starting gate at the track that he frequents and that his father (my brother) volunteers at - that's right, running the starting gate.
I have this secret belief the #1 nephew is purposely injuring himself to remove himself from racing forever...though i know that's silly...still. Meanwhile, nephew #2: I went and was audience to him being part of his class chorus performance - apparently he was supposed to have a solo, but when the music teacher (and may I take a moment to mention how every music teacher I have ever known, right down to ms. cohee in 4th grade has been a total jerk? a complete egomaniac, and most of all, usually so prone to favoritism that even a nine year old knows when they are being slighted? Yeah. Not just one nine year old, as a matter of fact, but eight of us...but that's a story for another time ((actually probably only for a therapist TBD....)) was told that #2 would miss the evening performance because he had a race to attend, she pulled him completely from the two-show program, so no afternoon performance for his mom, aunts and grandma, and...well, she's really lucky I didn't follow her into the parking lot. Honestly, what a cow. 
Ok, that's a serious digression. What it does mean though, is that I'm happy to be part of the family again, and I very much dig my job, and the people I work with, I totally seem to have really found pretty much the most perfect fit I could imagine (though, again, small owners, no bennies, but at least they've been open for a few years now), and my friends are pretty damn cool too. Mostly though, I adore being in a city I know, that is familiar, and that I feel comfortable in - it's still quite hard to describe, as it's not a Pollyanna "Yay! Seattle Is Awesome!!" thing, but in a much more "ah, yeah, I know what that is, I know who they are, I know how this works" kind of thing.
Random neighborhood shootings aside though. Not sure what is with all the white anger, but i see it in traffic, in parking lots, in grocery stores....it's odd when I come off sounding like the hippie telling people to relax.
Also: misfired pizza and copper river salmon for dinner to take home, after a lovely chat over our shift drinks with the sous chef and a server who is in the running for Daniel's crown?  Awesome. So Happy. I can't even remember having so many ducks in a row...next up: find a new, great place to live.

Oh, Seattle, as much as you've changed, there's still plenty that's the same. Still have the most tame homeless folk in the country, the worst parking, crappy drivers (seriously, I have seen more accidents and near accidents in the last 14 days than I saw in 4 years in the Bay Area, and also, why all the snotty looks and cranky hand gestures? Makes one nostalgic for the ghetto mamas in their SUVs who were completely oblivious to everything around them...almost) - and you still have on-ramps to the I-5 in all the places I remember them, one way streets right where I left them, and most of all - Michael's Market/Deli, just off Fairview, still right there where I need it, all night. How delightful to go in there, grab a bottle of wine, and stand behind the biker couple who were debating which condoms to buy...and there's still a late night Subway next door - not that I'd ever eat there ever again, but it's kind of nice to know some things NEVER change. Back in the day (yup, I'm that person...) Dawnie G and I would wander over there to buy a couple of bottles of cheap champagne and I would buy a pack of clove cigarettes - because apparently, I couldn't wait to do damage to my lungs then, so that now, 25 years later, I can take 12 days to get over a flu virus....anyway, to the best of my recollection that was the first place that ever sold me booze, and while I'd like to believe it's the same surly Asian college student serving me, I'm pretty sure it can't possibly be: that dude would be like....my age now :)
Anyway. Still frigging sick, still sore throat and coughy, but fever seems to have subsided, so that's a plus. Got to work most of the night with Chef GMB, as he let He Who I Will Be Replacing But Hasn't Been Fired Yet go home early tonight - and it was awesome. I jacked a pizza early on, but re-fired it quick like, and asked for help when I needed it. He and I have a similar sense of humor, and best of all - he's matter-of-fact when he needs to be, and easy going when he can be. He ran the filet trim I did last week as an app tonight, "beef crudo" and sold it out: full on awesome. Just goes to show you that if you are creative, there is no loss in product - because I didn't screw the meat up, I just had a bit more trim than I should have, but it worked great for that preparation: so people actually got something awesome because I kind of fucked up - but again, since I hadn't done that for years, getting one less than I was supposed to: not too shabby. It was nice to see it being sold, at any rate. My pizza special of the day didn't sell much, but pizza business was slow in general (oddly) though I did get to do a mini calzone trio (boooo, lame app, stupid bar menu) but overall, and in the end, I got a "great job" and a fist bump (...) as GMB left. It turns out, he's also only been cooking pro for 5 years...so, there's that. Interesting stuff, and after another week, I'm looking forward to inviting people I know in. Probably start doing dessert menu items next month, and....and, well, it all seems good. I was a little panicky last week, a bit overwhelmed and mostly deathly ill - but it's settling out. Now, to get some paychecks stashed away so I can move into the city. I'd like to be somewhere at the foot of either Hill, or maybe something in that South Lake Union/Belltown-ish area....or, maybe north again, on a quick and constant busline...'cause I'm already over driving. Anyway, off for the next couple of days, hoping to do some real writing, check in on family (that I don't live with), and maybe go see a movie or something...who knows? Singer guy and I were supposed to meet up, but then he had work stuff in LA, so not sure what will happen with that next. Oh, am also reading the Cherie Currie bio, as Jules loaned it to me. haven't met up with Debra yet, but looking forward to that as soon as her Actual Job Holding/Grad Student self has some time....and, uh, still working on touching base with Xerox Rodney and some sort of ad-hoc Kinko's reunion...summer beckons...wow, I might be able to go to Bumbershoot at least one day this year....which would probably be all I could tolerate anyway...hrmmmm.
Also, yeah, I still miss smrge.

simple distractions

Golly, where to start? Arsenal finished third in the league, by the skin of our teeth, but it means that the summer won't be quite as horrendous as it might have been. I'm sad that Bacary is injured again, and that there seems to be more of an issue with Jack's ankle, but still, hopefully both of them sitting out the Euros will mean they are in far better shape for the start of the season.
To be honest though, football is taking a backseat to my real life right now. Go figure. This new job? Holy shit, I'm really pretty damn good. Now, I did scorch some candied hazlenuts today, but on the flip, I fucking rocked a ridiculous meatball recipe (seriously, it was dictated to me in handfulls and "some" of ingredients) and then the coupe de gras: I fucking trimmed and portioned out a tenderloin mid-service, on the fly. Which means, I had no warning when chef looks across the line and says "YOU, you know how to trim a tenderloin?"
I say "It's been a really long time."
He says "Can you do it now?"
I say, of course, because it's ingrained in me via CG: yes chef.
He says set up a station: there are two in there, but I need one now. NOW.
Let me just take a moment and say that the only times I have ever trimmed a fucking tenderloin of beef (one of the most expensive items a restaurant can buy, it's where your filet steaks come from) has been at 2pm, hours before service, when I've got no other prep and the line needs an extra pair of hands.
However, the fucking crazy ass intensity of a certain ChefGuy clearly made and impression. It literally has been over 6 years since I'd done this job, but dammit, it came back. And, given the remarks made by Garrett, I did pretty fucking ok. Then he asked me to portion it. Now, see, here's the thing about portioning a piece of meat: it's about a foot and a half long, it is about 4 inches wide at it's widest and then tapers gradually to the tail. When cutting it into 8oz pieces the first cut is crucial, and I should have started from the back. Oh well. Ultimately, I only wasted one, and we can do a tartare with it, but not fucking bad for a pastry chef. I was over the fucking moon. When Garrett came back and said, it looked fine, no more trimming (he did give me shit about using my chef's knife, but fuck, I didn't have my filet and didn't see a house one) and asked point blank:
"When was the last time you did that?" I said, probably about 2006 or so (probably earlier, but i don't need him to know that) and he was like "Really nice work."
They let me cut out early because it was slow, which is ok for now. The plan is for me to solo on Monday. I fucking cannot wait. Seriously. I love my work. It is so nice to be genuinely good at something, and to be among people who are on the same page. There are little things, but it is so amazingly similar to Upstairs that I can barely contain myself most moments. The waitsaff is actually better, but it's so amazingly good.
Oh. I forgot, there was one thing today: Seattle drivers suck. A lot. I had no idea how spoiled I was living in California. Sweet mother of kevin seconds, what a mess. Almost got squashed like a bug in a pileup today, but luckily guided the trusty Punk Rock soccer mom car to the edge of the road and around the idiot in the BMW.

Also, really, really miss Hopey right now.