Just for old time's sake (and to give a break to the whining i've been prone to lately, the Five:
. What do you do for a living?
I am a cook at a shelter for homeless and abused kids.

2. What do you like most about your job?
I am able to combine my love for cooking with an intense desire to do something to help others in need.

3. What do you like least about your job?
Being a non-profit means paying a less-than-living-wage at this point.

4. When you have a bad day at work it's usually because _____...
there's been a lack of planning by management, but honestly, i haven't had a BAD day yet.

5. What other career(s) are you interested in?
Photographer for National Geographic, of course!

and then it all turns to shit, and quickly. i bought the whole long-distance i love you thing, until i found his personal ad. what a cliche. calling me all the names he is in fact living up to right now. he doesn't love me. doesn't care about me. and once again i am in a monetary hole, and alone. how is it that i keep doing this over, and over? dunno. better job with no real pay right now, but that looks sketchy. dunno how to pay for school, and well...it is all almost too much to even write about anymore. again.

whatever happens now, happens. it seems good, the way things seem to be finally making sense, as if all the pain and drama and confusion are finally distilling into something concrete. but, ultimately, what it comes down to, as it often does, is my self esteem. the confidence to keep on in the face of my entire life just blowing apart is not just character building, but solid proof that I can do whatever i set my mind to do. the key is deciding what to do.
right now, SMRHE is off rocking. wish i was too, but then, also, having a new life is promising. might have a new, scary challenging job. that would allow me to save up. to go to school, to go to europe, to...go. and that's what i want to do - GO.
p.s. bill murray still rules the school.
oh, and my fresno scene report was well recieved by j, which bodes well for the future, i think. i've been here before, it's not so bad.